I've been dating a guy for a little over 8 months. Things were going great. And then it's like we hit the 8 month mark, and I freaked out in my head. He's done nothing different at all. He's still the same guy that he's been since I met him. But I'm suddenly feeling trapped, scared, and like I want to bolt. I don't get it. Nothing changed at all. I feel angry at him without having a reason to feel angry. All the little reasons I loved him are now bothering me. I think I'm probably triggering, but I don't know why or how to snap myself out of it. It's like I'm watching myself sabotage my relationship. I can see myself doing it, and I can't seem to stop it. Gah.
I like this guy. Really like him. He's down to earth, cute, fun, willing to talk about stuff, trustworthy. He leaves his phone unlocked and open all the time, which just amazes me. He listens, and he's an over thinker like me which I find adorable.
But I'm in a bad mood and can't snap myself out of it. I traveled solo for the first time in awhile. We did great while I was on the trip. Then there's just been a disconnect since I've been home. I'm noticing it more in myself than in him. He's still talking and joking, and it's like I'm watching from a distance unable to connect. And then I got mad at something dumb today, and totally overreacted. This is the longest and most healthy relationship I've had in 5 years. What the heck is my problem.
I've always wanted to be married, and now I'm thinking.. ehhh... maybe not. I mean, my schedule is crazy. I work until 9 or 10 every night. I love my alone time. I don't want to see him every night. I have my nights with him, and I have my nights alone. I like my nights alone. Plus, combining finances and stuff? Scary as heck. He's not talking marriage though. This is all in my own head. I just see it going down the path toward that. And I'm not sure that's what I want. Plus, how do I know that he's even the right person. What if I spend years with him, and then I fall out of love? Or we start fighting? And my solo travel - what happens with that? I already want to start planning my trip for next Christmas, and I feel this weird sort of pull to spend the holidays with him. But it's so far out, and I'm such a big planner that I'd normally go ahead and book a trip now for next Christmas.
I'm totally overthinking. I can feel myself creating distance with him, and I'm worried I'll screw it up so much that it's not fixable.