Thanks for the replies, guys. This site is a lifesaver. A little background. Known my wife for almost 30 years. Married over 20. OM was a presence all during (she was never 'mine' in all that time). OM stereotypical 'alpha bad boy' type. Affair was whenever he blew into town. I knew him, but never liked him. Didn't know they even associated. XWW (we're divorced) was and is the last one you'd expect for such behavior to look at her. Literally a school librarian, long skirts, high necked blouses and horn-rimmed glasses. The works. The ultimate Plain Jane. She was always flattered by his attention. He'd never marry her, but she held out hope and got into a routine...of years...being his play-thing.
Do you hear that? It's my heart shattering... AGAIN!
D-Day was years ago and this put me right back to square one.
She says it was how she felt back then. I was safe, reliable, respectful, steady, etc. It's not how she feels now. She says 'I'm the ONE'...gag...and that she loves and respects me now, too. She wants to rebuild, make it up to me, blah, blah blah.
At divorce court she threw herself at my mercy. In a no-fault state, men are SCREWED, but she let me have the house, custody of our 4 kids...all dna tested...MINE...even though she wasn't, and most of the assests.
The judge even pulled her into chambers...without me...because she thought I was coercing her somehow. My lawyer went in to look after my inerests. He was shocked and she almost fired her lawyer for trying to gum things up. She moved about a mile away into an apartment and the kids see us both almost every day.
I wasn't angry at her anymore. I felt love, sympathy, empathy and care. Apparently all bullshit.
We are/were/are seeing each other as a couple. Lots of sex, cuddling, talking, family time. It all seemed great, on the surface, but there was something. A slight 'offness' about everything. I couldn't place it.
Until this I was considering remarrying her but that idea was dunked into liquid nitrogen, for now. She's panicked and beside herself. She should be.
The kids are scared because they know something is wrong just not what. They know of the affair, and with who, but no details...length. frequency, acts...oh did I forget to mention the sex tape OM made, secretly? Yeah, there's that. There's nothing like seeing your wife perform like a circus act for another man. I don't know if there is a term for what I felt, but it was beyond painful.
My only consolation at this point is that I was able to wreck his life or help wreck it. I saw him a couple of years ago and he's a shell of what he was. I made wife break no-contact, kind of, just to see him from a distance, to check her reaction. No conversation or interaction. He lost his wife, kids, careers, even his freedom for a time.
Not such a 'bad boy' now. PRICK.
She seemed saddened, but I thought it was because she'd hurt me and that I felt the need for revenge. I'd always been such a sweet person, her words, and this changed me, for the worse for a time. I was very hard on her, to put it mildly. Now maybe, it was sadness for him. She says no but they say lots of things, don't they?
So, this is where we're at. Stuck in the muddy ditch again and me spiraling out of control.
I don't know. I just don't know...