SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Does anyone else have the insane all consuming urge to run and be alone when things blow up? I know this is wrong but it’s all consuming. The shame. The embarrassment. Becomes overwhelming and the need to run takes over. My mad hatter husband does not understand this. I just need to hide. Be alone and cry and scream my frustration. Without anyone watching judging or interfering. This is my Achilles heel. I can’t seem to not submit to this and now I’ve done it twice. Why? Where does this come from?

Oh yeah. I did this, lots. And at times the impulse still hits me. Distancing either emotionally or physically or both is a defense mechanism. For me it was a shame-driven behavior that armored me against vulnerability.

It's a very old wiring pathway that is now little used but the urge can come up when I feel shame. The work isn't to avoid shame (not possible, being human) but to recognize when it is happening and consciously make a different, albeit uncomfortable, choice: staying present. It's through making a different choice in these circumstances that the brain rewire happens. One choice at a time. Again and again.

If you haven't yet explored the work of Brené Brown I urge you to check out her book "The Gifts of Imperfection" or even her seminal work on shame and vulnerability entitled "I Thought It Was Just Me". Those two books were real game changers for me.

Hang in there, fellow traveler.