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Afraid to introduce me to New BF

Goldbird96 posted 9/24/2018 23:52 PM

Divorced for almost two years and found out that Ex has new boyfriend. She has introduced him to my 3 girls but this weekend at my 14 yr olds soccer game she completely stayed on the opposite side of field from me with him. Do you think she is afraid I would divulge her cheating history to this guy? Should I walk over and introduce myself?

I.will.survive posted 9/25/2018 05:34 AM

Hmm, I think I would wait to be introduced. Although it sure seems like the ex should have taken that opportunity if the 3 girls are already hanging out with him.

However....I haven't introduced my ex to my boyfriend either. We haven't been in the same place at the same time, but I make sure that doesn't happen with kid drop offs.

I just don't want to deal with what a jerk my ex is and why put my boyfriend through that? The last one I dated (which is the first one after divorce) my ex refused to meet him. We were 50 yrds from each other at a game and the ex said no.

I don't think she thinks you'll blurt out her history to this guy, but it's just easier to keep putting off introducing the two of you. I know I just don't feel like dealing with it...so I don't.

WhoTheBleep posted 9/25/2018 06:04 AM

I'm sure this is a fear of WH's, although by the time I actually meet one of his girlfriends, he will have already painted me as the crazy jealous lying ex wife. And she will believe him as the brainwashing will be complete by then.

I'll just keep my own distance. Maybe casually drop an Ashley Madison or Craigslist joke here and there, followed by "ask me how I know..."

Or not. We will see. Depends on my mood...

EvenKeel posted 9/25/2018 07:25 AM

I have been D for 8 yrs and have never introduced ex to my BF nor has he introduced his GFs to me.

I guess it depends on your relationship with your ex and your children's personal community. Meaning, my friend and her new H are very cordial with her ex. They even all sit together at kid's games and events.

That is not an option in my world.

Goldbird96 posted 9/26/2018 19:46 PM

Thanks. I feel as though I’m continuing to help her cover up all her lies by acting like everything is peaceful between us with her new BF. My revenge thoughts are running wild at this opportunity since she is such a cold blooded liar who lives in a fantasy world. No doubt she will keep him far from me. I want to invite him out for a beer and make her sweat it out on what I might say.
Tired of always taking the high road protecting her as I did by never telling my kids why we got divorced, beating up her affair partners etc...

I.will.survive posted 9/27/2018 05:15 AM

My revenge thoughts are running wild at this opportunity since she is such a cold blooded liar who lives in a fantasy world.

Okaaaay...maybe this is why she isn't introducing you. It's been two years since you were divorced and since you are from NC, that means you had been separated for a full year before that in order to be granted a divorce. You are still very bitter and thinking too much about HER, IMO.

How about re-framing this and thinking along the lines of taking the high road for your own peace of mind? She's drama. She's a liar. She showed she had no moral compass. Why do you want to be in her world?

You don't. Who cares what this guy's experience is with your ex. She's your ex and will cycle through a few boyfriends in her lifetime probably.

Don't bother. Let your girls share what they want to about him, but don't grill them.

It's not your role to discuss her actions with him. Focus on your own life and less about revenge. It's over. Bury this or you will be consumed for another two years!!

shakentocore posted 9/27/2018 05:19 AM

She is no longer your problem, and he is a grown adult that can make his own choices.

If you are at a child’s event, focus on your kids, not ex and her new BF.

EvenKeel posted 9/27/2018 14:37 PM

My revenge thoughts are running wild at this opportunity since she is such a cold blooded liar who lives in a fantasy world.
Also - he is not going to believe you. They are in a new relationship and in lala land. He is going to assuming you are lying because you are an bitter ex (with or without proof).

Not your problem.

Your concern should only be that he is nice to your children. Don't ask because you will hear about it if he is not.

Then sit back.

You will see when the new partner realizes who your ex really is. My ex's GF packed up everything and left Christmas morning because she realized he was an azz.

Phoenix1 posted 9/27/2018 15:30 PM

I'll be honest. I have an SO of almost five years and I have NO intention of ever introducing him to Xhole. I don't want the drama, and there truly is no point. Plus, I simply don't trust Xhole to be a decent human being.

Let your ex and her life go. Don't feed the drama llama. Stay focused on the kids. These events are about them. Keep it that way.

Goldbird96 posted 9/27/2018 18:42 PM

I know, I know ...Bitter Pill swallowing as usual. Trying to get over the bitterness of losing my kids half the time, losing my home, 1/2 my savings and cutting her a child support check because she always refused to work a full- time big girl job because she lives off her family.

The fact that one of her lovers was one of the married parents on the team probably is a trigger too.

But, I NEVER act like anything is wrong in front of my kids and certainly wouldn’t cause an incident here. Just feel like that Karma Bus is really late!

Zamboni posted 9/27/2018 20:48 PM

I have often thought about printing the boatload of Uber receipts I found to the brothels or the emails I found of him soliciting hookers to my WH's AP ... I bet she would get a kick out of it ... especially since she thinks he is being faithful to her.

Karma shows up eventually ...

Gemini71 posted 9/27/2018 21:30 PM

My only concern is that she has introduced someone into the lives of your girls that you don't know. Granted people don't walk around with signs saying "I'm an asshole", but it's still nice to meet adults who are a part of your kids' lives. We even have a clause in our JPA about it (unenforceable, but it sets the tone).

As far as 'warning' him about Ex's history, that's not your problem. Unless your Ex is a possible danger to him or his kids (don't ask, long story), you are under no obligation to warn him, and as others have said, he probably wouldn't listen anyway. Let him hear the gossip from the other team parents.

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