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Made a decision, hope to stick to it

GraceLove posted 9/8/2018 02:01 AM

I am soon getting my divorce papers finalized, 2 more months or so.

And...
I felt originally that I was spiritually divorced and I felt really free. And so during that time, I went for a couple of coffees and walks with a very nice guy. It was just coffee and walks. Just friendship. Then I went for coffee with another guy who is probably a narc. Not doing that again as it appears he is interested in more than friendship. The narc had really triggered me and I had spent way too much energy trying to figure out if he is or isn't a narc etc. So, I decided to trust the extreme anxiety I feel when I am around him and conclude: yip, he is. He has a lot of similar traits to my STBXH.
The fact is I am technically a married woman and even though I really enjoy male companionship, and I do want to have male friends I'm still married. So...
Have any of you battled with this technicality?

Also, what do you consider a date? And how can I be really clear with someone that I actually just want to be friends? It would be sooo easy to have more gay friends. My gay male friends live in another state...

I have made a decision that I don't want to date until 2 years after my divorce so that I can heal. I hope I can stick to that because I have a lot of healing to do.

lieshurt posted 9/10/2018 07:25 AM

I have made a decision that I don't want to date until 2 years after my divorce so that I can heal. I hope I can stick to that because I have a lot of healing to do.

I think this is very wise of you to do. I wish more people did this. There is nothing wrong with taking the time to heal.

TrustGone posted 9/10/2018 11:46 AM

So many BS's are tempted to start dating as soon as possible. Taking time to heal and getting to know yourself is a good idea. It is not a sprint, it's a marathon. (((HUGS)))

Chrysalis123 posted 9/10/2018 11:48 AM

There are so many examples of people that date too soon and bad things happen..... You are very wise to wait, heal, and get back on your feet.

GraceLove posted 9/11/2018 18:35 PM

It's easier said than done and I know deep down that it would be best for me.

Simplicity posted 9/11/2018 22:43 PM

Most important is to do what you need to heal for yourself. If it means forgoing all dating for as long as you feel you need, then do it! I wouldn't say that you necessarily need to stick to a timeline, but it's good to recognize a need to look into yourself and not rely on other people to give you self worth. You may need more time or less time, but the important part is recognizing the need for time to yourself.

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