SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

I don't even know what I'm wanting from this post.

It's scary enough that we have twins that are only 1 year old. I cried so hard this morning seeing the positive. For the first time WH was with me when I tested, I couldn't do it alone.

He was exactly what I needed but my goodness the fear I am feeling right now. The timing is terrible, we are just getting into a decent part of this journey where I am no longer consumed constantly with waves. They still come and I think about the affair daily but I've also been able to laugh again, feel more present as a mom... I just started feeling like ME a tiny bit and this morning those lines came up and I lost it.

It's only been 6 months since his ONS. I don't worry about him doing it again but my biggest fear has been not being able to accept the betrayal as part of our story.

I wanted another baby, I didn't want it to be like this. I'm so angry that his choices made something that should be exciting absolutely terrifying. The guilt I have right now is overwhelming. I just want to feel like everything is going to be ok, that I'm safe, loved and chosen. I'm not there yet. Now this. Omg what have we done?!

Remember that even if it sound impossible right now through the pain:

No matter what will happen tomorrow, it’ll be fine.

This means focus on now and what you get from life and the life growing inside you.
What comes tomorrow is the follow up of what you do now.

You are in full control even if you don’t feel like now.
And you are a stronger person than you think.

And you are getting something you wanted, who is untouched by the filth and only knows something good right now.
You. Mother.

I understand the rest of the emotional chaos but I hope you can catch the good vibe here.
:

I am sure that there is a lot of processing time needed for this. I know there is so much going on here between the affair, you are barely recovered postpartum with a new set of hormones and another being needing so much of your energy.

It’s a big adjustment, and assuming your decision is made, my guess is the excitement will come a little delayed. Take care of you, be mindful of your needs and lean on your support system. Perhaps your husband will have the chance to prove the things you need to see by being a big part of that much needed support.

Best wishes for you and the health and happiness of you and your family.