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Around DD when asking for all the details of H going in her house and he mentioned when they went inside she poured a neat vodka and downed it then a long vodka and tonic, I picked up on this and said ‘she might not have wanted you as much as you thought, if she needed that’, he got defensive and said why have you picked up on that?, what’s that mean? and what has that got to do with anything?.

Also when he disclosed that she had PIV with his friend, I mocked him and laughed and said how dirty and how much of a loser you have to be to kiss someone their friend has used for a quick empty and how did he enjoy the sloppy seconds, maybe he could still taste his buddy. He again got defensive and said ‘I was first anyway then she slept with xxxxxx then yes I did kiss her after that but I didn’t give a shit about her anyway or who she was having sex with’.

Today I asked him about this conversations that were back at the beginning of the year, I asked why he was defensive?, was he protecting what he had in his head?, I said I spoiled your little fantasy you had in your head didn’t I?, you had it in your little head that ‘oh I had this young girl, 19 that wanted me, I was so irresistible, such a big man, she wanted me’. He laughed, nervous laughter. I’m fucking fuming. He’s gone to work now but my blood is boiling.

Why did he laugh?, I hit a nerve didn’t I!.

If this H of mine doesn’t come home tonight with some sort of something to calm my soul I’m going to obliterate him!.

You're heard, Bruce.

I understand your anger at his defensiveness and of course his cheating. I feel like your questions are rhetorical expressions of your feelings. You know the answers already.

I'm curious, what kind of reaction are you hoping for from him when you express your anger to him? Personally, in those circumstances, what I wanted my WS to do is apologize for hurting me. I wanted contrition, and I wanted him to be a sponge for my anger - to receive it without deflection or defensiveness. In a perfect world, what would yours do when he tonight that would calm you down?

In a perfect world he would say ‘yes I did have that in my head and that was pathetic’.
He will never admit to it though I know it, he’ll say sorry, he’ll absorb all of my anger, he’ll sit and hold me all night if I want him to, he doesn’t deflect or get defensive now at all but he will not admit to anything involving feelings or ego thoughts and feelings, apparently he’s a walking vessel of emotionlessness