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Wayward Side :
Where do I put myself in BS’ rollercoaster of emotions?

question

 OrientalWitch (original poster new member #85462) posted at 11:10 PM on Tuesday, November 26th, 2024

It has been a month since my DDay and attempt to end it all. Like what some have advised here - my BS is in a rollercoaster of emotions. He would be upset and mean to me at one point, and suddenly he would be say that he believes I am still a good person deep inside.

At the moment, my driving force to get up and fix myself is the fact that I believe this would also help him. As selfish as I had been, I would like to be able to at least help him heal. I am hoping we can still reconcile, but if my presence is not helping, I will understand and move on.

Now he wants to do some solo travels and explore which I fully support. His first trip will be in Europe for a week and he mentioned that he is meeting someone who fancies him (this will be their first time to meet as they know each other from a mobile game). At first the green eyed monster ruled me, but eventually I helped him prep for the trip. He keeps saying that he is going there to find himself, but I cannot help but think of the probable reason he chose this place out of all countries.

Recently though, he has been quite frisky and we had sex a couple of times. I have to say, our intercourse has never been this wild and hot. He cannot bear to kiss me still though. And most times he does not want us to sleep in the same bed.

I am uncertain how I should act now. I told him it would be best to have IC before making any decisions (as there are times he really wants a divorce). I promised him that I will not leave him until he has healed or at least moved on. However, does this include being intimate and physical?

Any advice would be appreciated, thanks.

[This message edited by OrientalWitch at 1:03 AM, Wednesday, November 27th]

posts: 3   ·   registered: Nov. 17th, 2024
id 8854834
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Pippin ( member #66219) posted at 9:00 PM on Sunday, December 1st, 2024

OrientalWitch, I wish I had advice for this situation but I just don't. It sounds like he's coping as best he can and he might do that badly. The intimacy question is difficult. I think it's messy. It was messy for me too. Keep working on yourself. How is that going?

attempt to end it all

What does this mean? Did you attempt suicide or do you mean end the relationship?

Him: Shadowfax1

Reconciled for 6 years

Dona nobis pacem

posts: 914   ·   registered: Sep. 18th, 2018
id 8855243
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 OrientalWitch (original poster new member #85462) posted at 6:47 PM on Sunday, December 8th, 2024

Thank you for replying to my post, Pippin.
It has been a few weeks since he got back from his trip and things have been a wee bit better for us. There is still the rollercoaster of emotions and I do not know when he would have a sudden trigger which changes his mood throughout the day.

I feel like I am doing well in getting better. Whenever I get the low mood and bad thoughts, I will remind myself that I need to get up and do something otherwise nothing will change. I am also kind of focusing on helping my BS get better. I told him I will be supportive with whatever he decides to do but he should not decide now while he is not okay yet. Whenever he gets in a mood, I will try to refocus his thoughts and remind him that he is not alone and that he will come out of this stronger than ever. I see how much trauma I have caused him and I honestly really want to help him.

Is there any way to help him minimise or eliminate the triggers? It comes so unexpectedly which catches both of us off guard.

I did try to end my life and was brought to the hospital by my friend who visited the night of. I am better now though, and no more thoughts. Xx

posts: 3   ·   registered: Nov. 17th, 2024
id 8855856
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