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General :
10 years later …..

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Stella (original poster member #7361) posted at 2:25 AM on Wednesday, May 15th, 2024

It’s been 10 freaking years since I found out he cheated (multiple times). I stayed bc I had young children. They are all grown up now. I’m working on setting myself up financially to get out. We have NO relationship. I sleep in my own room, which is HEAVEN! He is a narcissist, no, never diagnosed. Narcissist usually aren’t bc they don’t think they are the problem. I’ve lived with his abuse for 26 years. Years of emotional, and financial abuse. I’m tired! I’m mad I stayed! I’m just over it all.
I’ve been working on ME for several years. He had the chance to work on himself also but he stayed the same. It’s very exhausting to be anywhere near him.
Not sure how much I’ll be on here. This brings up a lot of anxiety from the past. Just needed to be in a safe space.

Me: 43yr BS
Him: 45yr
Married 13yrs
Kids: 4 beautiful children,B13yr,G12yr,B11yr,B10yr
D-Day #1 6-29-05
D-Day #2 6-30-05
R-Day 12-12-05
WOW, I think I see a rainbow peeking through the clouds! We will see!

posts: 245   ·   registered: Jun. 13th, 2005   ·   location: Maryland
id 8836503
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tl502 ( member #42607) posted at 12:41 PM on Thursday, May 16th, 2024

I’m so sorry you’re in this position. I stayed because I didn’t want my family to fall apart. Fortunately, my h works on himself, but it took him so long to get it that divorce was on the table for a very long time.

You’re a great mom and did a great thing for your kids. You should be very proud of that. Now it’s time to get your ducks in a row and get out. A new life is waiting out there for you and it’s time to embrace it.

Married 35 yrs.
dd1 9/10/2011 ea/pa
DD2 3/25/2013 same ow, never stopped email and phone contact.
Putting the past behind us and moving forward together

posts: 1114   ·   registered: Feb. 27th, 2014   ·   location: big blue nation
id 8836685
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tushnurse ( member #21101) posted at 1:09 PM on Thursday, May 16th, 2024

Glad you are seeing a way out and that you found a way to have some peace in your life as it is.
It's a good thing that you are planning your way out.

Me: FBSHim: FWSKids: 23 & 27 Married for 32 years now, was 16 at the time.D-Day Sept 26 2008R'd in about 2 years. Old Vet now.

posts: 20306   ·   registered: Oct. 1st, 2008   ·   location: St. Louis
id 8836687
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darkangel ( member #25928) posted at 1:59 PM on Thursday, May 16th, 2024

Hi, Stella! So happy to hear that you are finding your way out of your WH's dysfunctional bs. I haven't posted in a long time, but still come here to read. Started on this board in 2009 after finding out about EA and sexting with multiple women. However, there was other forms of cheating before 2009. Came back again in 2014 after finding out about PA with the same women he had the EA with. I've stayed also because of my step-kids and my biological son. My WS has never really gotten the damage he's done to me and our relationship. I stay now because I'm older and if I left financially I'd be totally screwed. I'm not willing to give up my house and I'm not going to struggle financially after everything he's put me through. If I won the lotto, I would be gone in a heart beat. lol Anyway, again so happy for you and wish you all the happiness that you so much deserve!

BW (Me)-Married 19 yrs
Adult hookup sites before DDAY1
DDAY1 10/09-OEA,chatting/cybering
which turned into PA-5/13, unknown to me.
DDAY2 10/14-Found photos on computer, ton of lies.
10/15 TT-Digging found real identity of OW.

posts: 268   ·   registered: Oct. 21st, 2009
id 8836688
Topic is Sleeping.
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