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Newest Member: cobblerock

New Beginnings :
20 years later still getting played

Topic is Sleeping.
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 itsa(bad)dream (original poster member #13174) posted at 7:40 AM on Thursday, March 28th, 2024

I thought I was much smarter in my60s and had learned about narcissists from my ex. Hadn’t had a “relationship” in 16 years and finally took the plunge a year ago.. met onine. Similar backgrounds. He lived an hour from,e so we took turns every weekend going to each others homes. As time went on I was seeing red flags that he wanted everything his way, and told him I wanted to start doing ore things than just sit around and watch tv. Even though he said he was semi-retired, the part time work began to become more than a full t8me job. He said he needed money , but all he was doing with the money was spending it on things for himself. Fancy tires for his truck ( at age 68); expensive fishing trips etc. when I asked if we could just plan a weekend to get away, he pacified me but then booked a fishing trip for himself instead.

He always would tell me stories about how he flirted with different young girls when he was working his part-time jobs, looking to get a rise out of me. He also would tell me I was lucky to have him, and that he was a good catch. He had only been marred 10 years, and had dated tons of women while single and got pleasure out of reliving his single days, to show me how he was such a stud..

Lol

He wasn’t changing his work schedule for me, but managed to shorten his work hours for hunting, fishing, etc. I to.d hi I wasn’t happy and I was done in December. He promised me everything would change so I went along with it.. I called it quits again 3 weeks ago.. he said he wasn’t going to change. He stormed out of my house and went home. Next day I texted I wanted to meet and get my stuff left at his house.. he replied he would, but when he had time..

Now 3 weeks later he doesn’t respond to my texts. I’m hurt that he never would compromise for me, yet he always said how much he loved me and wanted a future together. and I want my things. We’re not little kids - how can he act this way? I’m wondering if he had another person waiting in the wings if I kept giving him a hard time about working so much. So why do I miss this narcissist so much?

I’m reliving my marriage from 20 years ago.

M=13 yrs.(both 2nd M) ME:BS HIM:WH1st A:summer 01. EA & PA 2nd A (3/03): same person,EA,PA3rd A: 12/23/06 NEW OW. EA & PA(in contact with her for the past 2 yrs)*4/15/07-we are NOT trying to R. Only I was.He was just being an asshole.

posts: 309   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2007   ·   location: Limbo
id 8831110
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 1:30 PM on Thursday, March 28th, 2024

Now 3 weeks later he doesn’t respond to my texts.

This is a manipulation tactic. The longer he can hold your items, the long he [thinks] he is controlling the situation/you. I would really look at what you left there and evaluate if you really need those items. IE is anything you left irreplacable? If so, maybe give him a time and date for him to leave your stuff somewhere for you and if not, tell him you will be at his place at a set time/date WITH the police to retrieve your items.

I’m hurt that he never would compromise for me, yet he always said how much he loved me and wanted a future together...how can he act this way?

I am proud of you. You looked at actions versus words. You recognized what he is and drew your line.


I’m hurt that he never would compromise for me, yet he always said how much he loved me and wanted a future together.

Again...just words, no actions.

So why do I miss this narcissist so much?

Because breakups just stink even when you know it is for the best. Stay strong.

He always would tell me stories about how he flirted with different young girls when he was working his part-time jobs, looking to get a rise out of me. He also would tell me I was lucky to have him, and that he was a good catch. He had only been marred 10 years, and had dated tons of women while single and got pleasure out of reliving his single days, to show me how he was such a stud..

barf

posts: 6903   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8831119
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 itsa(bad)dream (original poster member #13174) posted at 3:56 PM on Thursday, March 28th, 2024

Yes there are a couple things that are important. One is sentimental - a beautiful solid wood toddler high chair my own grandkids just outgrew and I let him use it for his own grandson. I told him it was only given to him thinking we would be together forever, and I want it back now under the circumstances. Another is a huge expensive cooler my son let him use for his fishing trips. Other little personal things of mine, perfume, blanket, etc and those I'm not concerned with. Only the sentimental things.

I'm bothered that I "thought" this would be my last relationship and I could finally relax and look toward the future. HE recently wanted to know "where are we going with this - are we just going to keep doing this every weekend thing?" to which I replied that based on only seeing each other 1-2 days a week, we needed to start spending more time with each other to learn more as to whether we could make it living together, etc. He just wanted me there more often because I was fully retired - yet he didn't want to lessen his work hours and do his part in making the relationship work. Plus, his working 50-60 hours a week didn't give us any fun time together - all he wanted to do was watch movies, and fall asleep.

He told me he's been alone too long, and he will never change. He likes to work and he needs the money. I'm recently finding out some lies he told me about owning his condo (he doesn't - he rents it). He also doesn't have the greatest relationship with his 2 kids (26 and 28). And doesn't ever speak to his only living family - 2 sisters who live locally. He is a very opinionated person who always thinks his ideas are the only ones that count. Is very political - wears a trump hat constantly because he gets attention from it. Loves to give random compliments to women and tell me about it afterwards "you have beautiful eyes", etc. He says everyone needs a compliment. ( I brought to his attention that he NEVER compliments ME so this action is pretty disrespectful when you're in a relationship). Still, he did it.

Now I'm wondering if there was someone else - a narcissist always has a "supply". It bothers me.

I guess I was hoping my final move was going to shake him up, and he would change things to keep me. Even though I ended it, it feels terrible to be discarded, as if I meant nothing...

M=13 yrs.(both 2nd M) ME:BS HIM:WH1st A:summer 01. EA & PA 2nd A (3/03): same person,EA,PA3rd A: 12/23/06 NEW OW. EA & PA(in contact with her for the past 2 yrs)*4/15/07-we are NOT trying to R. Only I was.He was just being an asshole.

posts: 309   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2007   ·   location: Limbo
id 8831145
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 itsa(bad)dream (original poster member #13174) posted at 3:58 PM on Thursday, March 28th, 2024

Sorry - duplicate....

[This message edited by itsa(bad)dream at 7:35 PM, Thursday, March 28th]

M=13 yrs.(both 2nd M) ME:BS HIM:WH1st A:summer 01. EA & PA 2nd A (3/03): same person,EA,PA3rd A: 12/23/06 NEW OW. EA & PA(in contact with her for the past 2 yrs)*4/15/07-we are NOT trying to R. Only I was.He was just being an asshole.

posts: 309   ·   registered: Jan. 5th, 2007   ·   location: Limbo
id 8831146
Topic is Sleeping.
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