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masame5 (original poster new member #37602) posted at 6:46 PM on Monday, October 23rd, 2023
I've been absent for the past several months. Things started to get bad between my spouse and I and instead of handling it in a healthy matter, I sought admiration outside of the marriage. One of the main concerns is, I don't know why I'm not willing to just address the real issue and move on. I sabotage my relationships by harming those I love. Maybe it's because I was feeling hurt in the marriage and felt it was justified. It's not! No one deserves to be betrayed by their partner. I just don't know where to go from here. I can't blame her for not wanting to stay. I've started IC and MC since discovery, but I don't think it'll be enough this time. Rightfully so. I'm terrified for our children's sake. And, I'm aware I created this hurt for them. I'm still saddened that I'm capable of doing such things to destroy my family. This time, it hurts so much more than before and that's because I know I've hurt her and I'm going to lose her. I need fixed.
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