Really basic advice is to make sure that you take a detailed inventory of all the events of your affairs and make sure your wife has the whole truth.
She deserves to know the whole truth, nothing but the truth. You also need to find the resolve to stop lying to everyone about everything. If you are anything like me, I found after the fact that I would lie and exaggerate things to put myself in a more favorable light in casual conversations. For example, in 2019, for the first half of the year, I was still deep in my EA and also while going through a weight loss journey. As people at work or at the gym would remark about how much I had lost (I went from about 290 down to 220 over the course of the year), but I would always tell people that seeing the scale start with a 3, as in 300, was the wake up call I needed to change course. Sure, I only lied about 10 or so pounds, but I told that lie over and over, and eventually it became I was well over 300 lbs and I needed to lose. You may be thinking, but why tell that stupid lie? The answer is, I really don't know why I thought it necessary to lie about how heavy I had been compared to the present moment.
At present, I'm on another fitness journey of sorts, as I had gotten too heavy, but this time around it has a health component as one of my primary issues is Celiac Disease and cutting gluten out of my diet has made a tremendous difference in my weight but also my overall health. I swore off social media following my EA and I nuked my accounts. Earlier this year, after having heard so much about TikTok, I downloaded the app, signed up and I use it. I'm careful about who I follow and interact with, but I also use my TikTok account for accountability. I post accurate weigh-in videos, workouts, etc. I mean, there is no incentive to lie and even if I did, I'm holding myself accountable to not lying with some of my closet friends also calling me on my bullshit.
It sounds really easy and simple for me to tell you that the best advice we can give you to rebuilding trust with your wife is to stop lying, but that is really all there is too it. Tell her the truth, be open and honest with her about every detail. Show your wife that you are an open book to her and you have absolutely zero secrets. My wife took my phone and rifled through it the other day for 30 mins or more while I was playing video games and watching TV in the other room. I don't give two shits what she does on my phone because there is nothing there to hide, there are no instant messages or private messages from anyone on any platform or service that she is going to find that I'm hiding. During my A years, I wouldn't even let my phone leave my sight, let alone hand it to my wife and walk away from it like I do now. I must say, looking back on it and comparing it to now, I used to have tremendous anxiety whenever my phone would beep/buzz at the wrong time and getting asked "who is that?" and all those things, now I don't ever worry about any of that and it is tremendously freeing.
[This message edited by Bor9455 at 2:50 PM, Monday, September 11th]