In 2020 shortly after the pandemic began, My husband had an emotional affair with a woman who was also married and in the middle of that another married woman showed interest and he began flirting with her briefly before ALL of it came out.
March - April 2020, My husband worked for a small marketing company (15-20 employees), due to the pandemic they were asked to work remotely, and contact and communication amongst coworkers was strictly email, phone, and zoom calls. During this time a female co-worker "K" requested me on Social media. Although I had never spoken to her in person, I looked at the profile, saw that she was married, and seemed like a devoted Christian, foster mom, and surrogate, she was also fairly new to the company. I just saw it as a friendly gesture and accepted it. She even congratulated us on our anniversary during that time. She and another co-worker "L" (also a married woman) would email him about work but also be friendly asking how he was doing, how working from home was going, etc. "L" would make comments like "Miss your face". just, friendly.
At this point in our marriage, we'd been struggling with good communication, were feeling tense, and lacked boundaries.
May 2020 shortly after mother's day, after a zoom call, my husband decided to email "L", jokes turned into conversation, then the flirting continued. Compliments back and forth, but after a week of this she started asking him to hangout. He refused, and they kept it this way for a couple of weeks. around this time, "K" had emailed him trying to cheer him up since he was having a bad day. After work, she sent him a podcast she was on where she talked about her struggle with finding her identity in Christ. at work one morning he gave her a hug to thank her for that, she emailed him afterward saying she could still smell his cologne on her. He liked the attention so he and her began emailing back and forth complementing each other, she would vent about her husband, he would tell her it would all work out, she'd start asking for a hug more often, and they would go in the back for a quick hug then get back to work. This lasted 2 weeks.
June 2020 "L" was persistent about being alone with him. he was landscaping for the company one evening, and she asked to swing by, he agreed since he felt in control of the situation since they'd be outside in public and his boss lived right next to the office. she asked him to come inside he took a quick break, awkward small talk she finally leaned in and they kissed. he pulled away, she asked if he was ok, he said no, she asked him if he was going to be weird about it. he said no and that ended. for the next couple of weeks is when he'd continue flirting with Both of them, until the party. The Company was very lax and loved their parties or any outing that involved alcohol. "L" would be hosting this pool party. Halfway through the party, "K" came out of the house to the pool were my husband was with the rest, he noticed she was being passive-aggressive towards him, he asked, and she said "L". He went inside, "L" was drunk and confronting him, "K" poked her head in to see if everything was ok and if "L" would like to join the rest outside". He knew what he had to do after that.
He gathered his things, apologized to them, took the blame, and went home and told me everything. During this time he also had received messages from "K" telling him to "Get your Sh*t together" and act like nothing happened, "L" wanting to keep talking, he went and talked to his 2 bosses/"Friends" and told them everything, apologized and offered to leave the company. They had promised him they would help him get through this, and to focus on his marriage.
This was hard for me because it wasn't sex, but it was still betrayal and the other woman, in this case, women*, were also married but took no responsibility for their actions. At work, my husband was micromanaged, treated poorly, and confronted for not wanting to participate in those types of team outings anymore. yet "K" & "L" continued to work and be treated like they could do anything they wanted.
I'm thankful my husband took responsibility for his actions, he blocked them, he found a better job, and he's tried to help me too. but I live in a small town, I see "L" sometimes in public, and I see posts online about "K" or "L", through community pages I follow, or mutual friends. I see how "Perfect" their lives are and how they never were held accountable for what they did. I want to let it all go, but it's just frustrating that two married women could also do this and not accept their role, but instead let the married man take all the blame and act like they were victims.
Has anyone ever been through something similar? what adivce do you have?
[This message edited by Workinprogress20 at 6:41 PM, Tuesday, February 28th]
