SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Hello,

I am an old member who closed my account. But here I am back again.

It is ten years since the first discovery. I am fairly sure it is happening again, and I have realised that I am so checked out of the relationship that I don't even care anymore. So what now.

We've been married 16 years, and most of that time has been me taking time out of my career to support him because he couldn't cope. He couldn't cope with the children, so I had to do it. He couldn't cope with the money, so I had to do it. The housework, the garden, The bills, the shopping etc. The list goes on. So I have sat at home making our life work. At the same time, he built his dream business and career because he is 'ambitious' as if I, at any point, was less ambitious. for the vast majority of that time we were living far below the breadline because he wanted to build his 'dream' career. Now he is finally making some money, and I am back in university doing the second of 3 degrees essential for my dream career. I have waited my turn, and now it is my turn. If I leave him, I will get some support because of the children, but he will walk away with all the fruits of the last 16 years we spent building his career; I will walk away with pretty much all the responsibility and costs of the life we built. there is no way I could continue my current degree, let alone another one that will take between 4 and 7 years. and if I take another break now, I will be too old to return. so do I stay for the money so I can have my turn, or do I go? And do I tell him that our marriage is over and I'm just here for the money? I should add, It is not a lot of money, but just enough to cover the bills and have enough left over for me to study in a country where a university education is not extortionate, and in a field where I am entitled to some government funding to train.

Get a plan together. Figure out how to get your degree and at what point you could leave him and still finish up your degree.

Tell him nothing.

And if you think he’s cheating again, get a plan together in case he decides to D you.

And stop being his wife/mother/support system.

Stop doing his laundry. Stop catering to him. Stop doing errands or favors. Start demanding more from him. He can pitch in around the house or it doesn’t get done.

You & kids come first. Then your coursework. Then him.

Start living with him but emotionally detached.

Talk to a lawyer about how the money works.

In my state you'd be better off leaving *now* so he can't say he supported your new earning potential. You'd be owed about five years of alimony (probably about half of what he earns) at his current earning rate.

You need to meet with a lawyer and come up with a plan for divorce. Just because you would be willing to live as his room mate instead of his wife doesn’t mean he will agree to that arrangement. I also don’t think it’s realistic to think that you can spend the rest of your life walking around with a knife stuck in your back and convince yourself it’s just fine.