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Newest Member: JustCrushed

New Beginnings :
Dating again…the kids????

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Breakingapart (original poster member #74151) posted at 7:39 PM on Monday, February 6th, 2023

I am having an overwhelming sense of guilt. I have finally found an incredible man. Someone I feel I have known for years and who is understanding, kind, intelligent, has matching morals and values in life. Amazing, right?! After feeling completely broken and honestly thinking I would spend the rest of my life alone…
Only thing is, I am feeling guilty. Guilty that I’m happy, guilty that I’m taking time away from my kids, scared that I’m hurting them in some way. Ofcourse my kids are number 1. He knows that, he is okay with that, he wants that… so why am I feeling this way?
Is it that their dad left, immediately started a new life , pushed the other woman onto my youngest? My eldest three have nothing to do with him. It’s been 3 years. I fear they are going to think I’m forcing someone onto them too.
I am struggling.
He met them quickly, I’m not forcing anything. We go out, no forced together time with him at all… I just wanted them to be privy to who I was going out with. Have a name/face. Give them a chance to ask any questions.
I know I’m overthinking. Thank you to my ex for that.
I just needed to vent I suppose.
Thank you for listening

posts: 166   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2020   ·   location: Canada
id 8776384
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ff4152 ( member #55404) posted at 7:53 PM on Monday, February 6th, 2023

Have you talked to them about this? What are their feelings about this new guy? Perhaps you’re worrying about something when there is nothing to worrying about.

I could be way off base here but I suspect that your kids just want you to be happy.

Me -FWS

posts: 2096   ·   registered: Sep. 30th, 2016
id 8776388
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 Breakingapart (original poster member #74151) posted at 7:58 PM on Monday, February 6th, 2023

Yes I have spoken to them. They also have a therapist they can speak to.
They seem okay, it’s just me, my over thinking brain. After focusing on them 100%, it’s difficult to begin to think about yourself….

posts: 166   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2020   ·   location: Canada
id 8776391
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leafields ( Guide #63517) posted at 10:39 PM on Monday, February 6th, 2023

Why would you not want to have your kids see you happy and in a relationship with a person who sounds like a decent partner? Your kids are probably happy you're out of the house and they can do whatever. Mine would be eating pizza and playing video games.

BW M 34years, Dday 1: March 2018, Dday 2: August 2019, D final 2/25/21

posts: 3125   ·   registered: Apr. 21st, 2018   ·   location: Washington State
id 8776420
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EvenKeel ( member #24210) posted at 2:18 PM on Tuesday, February 7th, 2023

You do what is right for you and your family.

I made the decision to date after my D, but I also made the decision not to incorporate a partner into our until my kids were older (mid-late teens). Meaning, I had partners but I didn't have them over for dinner, group events, etc.

That was what I thought worked for us because I knew their father was having woman move in and out of his place. I wanted my kids to have a place safe from all that. Where it was just them during those years.

Now that I am WAY past that....I am not sure if that was the right move or not. My SO (of 6 yrs) have been a great male relationship for my DD who had a crappy one with her own father. So she would have benefited from that earlier maybe? IDK - or maybe it would have been just too much.

Now I did date during that time and the kids knew about the person. I just did not interject them into my children's lives.

How old are your children?

posts: 6859   ·   registered: May. 31st, 2009   ·   location: Pennsylvania
id 8776490
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 Breakingapart (original poster member #74151) posted at 10:53 PM on Tuesday, February 7th, 2023

Kids are 17,15,14,11.
I know I’m overthinking …certainly a response to the trauma with ex. I just want to make this as easy as I can for the kiddoes.
Thanks all

posts: 166   ·   registered: Apr. 4th, 2020   ·   location: Canada
id 8776576
Topic is Sleeping.
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