SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Me 66 , H 67. He's a serial cheater (found out by accident in 2003, long story) Separated. Mom died in 2005. I went to IC for years. MC was pointless but H did the "pick me dance", children were a mess, mom, brother and sister died and before I know it its 2022. I find Classmates messages to deb on my Mac, messages, about sex, loving each other, making plans, bad mouthing me. The usual stuff. I felt PTSD sick for weeks, came back to empty this house so I can sell it. Want my money. Two weeks ago, I am on my Mac and ofcouse I find evidence that the affair with deb has been going on for at over a year, perhaps 2019. ( I also found the most disgusting porn. ) They were making plans while I was supposed to be in recovery room but surgery was postponed. They were pissed they couldn't talk. I was so sick, had to go to the ER for infection treatment. So surgery postponed. Now scheduled for the breast surgery 9/6. Great timing. Finding out deb and bob were involved in many ways and for much longer than i thought (H says "I don't remember. It wasn't important, blah, blah) Another DDay, all too familiar PTSD like symptoms again. Anyway, I'm doing NC as well as I can. H won't leave the house. I am beginning to be worn down by h's narcissist crap. I need to keep calm, carry on, sell this house & move near my daughters, ( at their request). Any words of advice, wisdom, experience, regarding NC while in the same house, PTSD like trauma I'm feeling ( never really got over it), how to keep my eye on the prize which is sell and give myself options while becoming a Grandma!

So sorry, LM. Another dday sucks and does set healing back. Your STBXWH sounds like an a-hole.

IHS sucks. I kept to my room most of the time.

Can you set up a place that can be your oasis? Maybe call it your wellness center?

First, concentrate on getting through your surgery and post-procedure healing.

Realize that he feeds on getting a response or reaction from you. Ignore him as best you can and treat him like a bad roommate.

When you need a mental break, think about your grands. Where are places you'd like to take them or things you'd like to do - not just the tiny baby stuff, but further out. What kind of memories do you want to leave with them. My boys had very special memories of their grandparents, all who have now passed. I'm trying to make memories with my grands.