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General :
"The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work" question

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jb3199 ( member #27673) posted at 8:45 AM on Sunday, July 31st, 2022

Just because there ARE two sides doesn't mean both side's positions are valid.

Exactly. But then, we, as the human race, have to come up with the explanation why infidelity occurred.

I guess the part that frustrates me the most is that the simplest answer is usually the most accurate. In the case of infidelity, the simplest answer is because the cheater wanted to. Period. If you want to argue with outliers(to where mental illness affects rational thought), be my guest, but all that proves is that very few things are 100 percent accurate.

So, professionals do their research, and come up with their conclusions. Some seem to resonate; some seem to be miles off. Unfortunately, all that does is often cloud a basic reality. Often times, their conclusions are outright harmful overall. Until it is accepted that personal accountability trumps all other factors, we will continue to 'search' for 'reasons' that people step out of their relationships.


It’s interesting, we focus so much on psychologists, therapists, Hollywood, courts, clergy, etc. for letting Waywards off the hook, making excuses for cheating, blaming the BS, blaming the marriage when…

WE’RE the one’s chiefly and ultimately responsible for, and to blame for, letting Waywards off the hook, blaming ourselves, blaming the marriage, the APs, complicit friends, circumstances, the family of origin.

Damned near every inch of forgiveness, lenience given to cheaters, every lack of consequence or justice is, given by us, the Betrayed Spouses.

And then we compound our trauma by subscribing to trickle truth, rug sweeping, minimizing, blame shifting, premature MC, inappropriate or inept IC, opening ourselves up to the judgment of others…

when we have the absolute power to control all of the above.

There you go. You don't have to read through psych journals for basic truths.

[This message edited by jb3199 at 8:48 AM, Sunday, July 31st]

BH-50s
WW-50s
2 boys
Married almost 30yrs.

All work and no play has just cost me my wife--Gary Puckett
D-Day(s): Enough
Accepting that I can/may end this marriage 7/2/14

posts: 4051   ·   registered: Feb. 21st, 2010   ·   location: northeast
id 8747807
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