My story in short (as related to yours):
My now partner was with his GF for 15 years. Turned out she was a serial cheater, complete with secret rental flat for her meet-ups ( they lived together); I am not going into details, but it sounds perfectly comparable to your W.
After bis XGF started stealing from his friends to finance this second life, things exploded. My partner did EVERYTHING to amend things but finally he realised that there was no way. They seperated and she moved out. They continued seeing each other for a year though. Finally my partner realised that it wasn't healthy or sustainable and cut contact. She continued the lifestyle.
After another year we met.
It really was love at first sight.
We had wonderful five months and then...XGF was told about me. She resurfaced in his life, pretended she was a changed woman and that she wanted him back. He didn't tell me but started seeing us both for another year. I suspected but wanted to give him space. He lied continuously. She of course saw other men all the while. Then I confronted him, cause I caught herpes. Hell broke lose.
It took us 18 months to get back to where we were in the beginning - fucking waste of time.
Because he fell for her reconciliation blabla when she realised that he is about to be gone for good.
Just as your W does the moment D becomes real..
Why am I telling you this?
If I hadn't had the patience and faith and self confidence to believe in and fight for us, my partner would have forfeited our beautiful, loving, peaceful relationship for a cheating, lying woman - because his inner child is simply incapable of giving something up if there is weak slither of a hint of a tiny shred of hope of I-have-no-fucking-clue what.
Out there there is a beautiful person whom you can TRUST as my partner can trust me and with whom you can build a wonderful life.
D and start your journey towards that life.
