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The process for you? My head is spinning....Do this, no do this, you need to do this....yet I found out less then 72 hours ago my life is changing, how long should I process everything?

[This message edited by Notagain1 at 2:41 AM, March 9th (Tuesday)]

Notagain1, we're all different I suppose and some of us can make the decisions quickly and decisively and some (like me) take longer.

My ex and I were in an uneasy, but seemingly successful reconciliation for nearly 4 years, but when she nearly died from complications from surgery in December, it changed again. I knew in May when her AP reached out to her that the marriage was over, but refused to actually say it out loud. I decided on July 4 to divorce, but didn't file until the end of September. I kept going back and forth and had "hope" that she would snap out of it. Once the process started, my hopes for that life changed into hopes for my son and I.

I don't regret taking that much time or even the attempted reconciliation.

You'll know what you can handle.

Everybody heals on their own time, don’t worry about coming to a final decision right away.. I’m just over a year out from DDay and have finally made the decision to divorce. I think part of me knew it all along, and in my case there’s really no hope of reconciliation. My WW just wants to rug sweep and pretend nothing happened, and there’s just nothing to work with there. I wish I had left sooner, but I think it took awhile for my heart and brain to get on the same page and actually understand the damage that has been done. The past year has felt like a nightmare, and at times it’s hard to believe it’s reality, but it is. For me, it just took time to accept my situation and come to terms with moving on. I’m still married to the monster, but I’m a much stronger person than I was a year ago. In my case it had to be this way because I think if I’d left sooner I would’ve taken her back. I don’t have any concerns about that now. You may find you need some time to work on yourself before you can make the final judgement. You may be stuck in limbo for awhile, but try to take care of yourself first and the answer will come to you.

I found out at the end of February, decided we were over in June and filed in September. I find that there is normally a point of no return that one reaches, and it is obviously different for everyone. It could be one cataclysmic event that precipitates things (like in my case), or a slow build up of anger and heartache that makes your survival instinct kick in. Either way, you’ll know when you are ready. It really feels like an overwhelming, physical urge to get out of that situation.

how long should I process everything?

Can you elaborate? Process the shock of finding out? Process legal action? Healing time?

Regardless, it is all a rollercoaster with tremendous ups and downs. Keep posting. We're here to listen and help you through.