SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

So, I haven't been on here much. Not much time. In between playing peacekeeper with an increasingly calm ex wife, I've been working as much as I can, cleaning up after the kids (which is seems the ex does very little of) and spending time with my girlfriend. The 4th was 8 months that we've been together, and she makes me happy. I make her happy. Her kids love me, and my kids love her.

Due to logistics, she hasn't been to my home yet (I don't feel it would be appropriate to being her over while my ex S T I L L lives in my house) or met my kids in person, but they have met her and stuff over video chat. So, all of our time spent together is at her home.

her kids keep asking me when I'm going to marry their mom, when am I going to move in or they move in with me, her daughter (a VERY sassy 6 year old) is demanding that it be no longer than 2 years because she wants to be a flower girl and she doesn't wanna be "too old".

I've met her parents and they like me. They say I am great with her kids and that she is happier since she met me, so yay, unnecessary stamp of approval I guess, lol. My mom likes her but wants to get more time to know her. Since we're all getting vaccinated as soon as possible, that should be sooner rather than later. She says she can see how happy my girlfriend makes me, so she is already positively inclined. Again, unnecessary stamp of approval, but a stamp nonetheless.

I feel... reserved. Happy but reserved. Like maybe I should be more enthusiastic in the relationship, but I'm holding back because I have been OVER enthusiastic in my previous relationships and it's gone badly. I tell my girlfriend that I love her, and at times I feel it swell up and become almost intoxicating, but the rest of the time it feels like a slow burn. IDK if that's my meds, if it's me being jaded, if it's trauma or if I am mistaking what I feel for love, or if I am mistaking what I feel for -not- love because it's not all hyper-gushy-fairy-tale infatuation... i don't know and it vexes me, so I just stay the course.

I haven't written now in 15 months. I'm almost 2 years since I last published. I think I am waiting for my ex to leave my home. She has plans, but they are infuriatingly slow.

My therapist, which I adored, is moving practices and positions, so I have a new lady that... well.. she's not as good and I do not have the same rapport with her. I feel more on the spot and I feel like withdrawing when we talk. She is a perfectly nice lady, but... idk, I'm just not feeling it.

My anxiety is low, though I can tell when I miss my meds. Working on weaning off of them, but I'm currently staying stable at a lower dosage. I'd like to have a time where I don't need them at all.

So yeah. Quick update before I go to work.

Incarnate, I don’t know your story but I am guessing things are still very much in limbo with your ex with the co-habitation, trying to be civilised etc. Maybe your present situation is not exactly conducive to feeling completely settled and secure in your new relationship. Or maybe, you are having legitimate doubts and that’s ok too. Eight months is really not that long to know if someone is the one. And it doesn’t matter how many seals of approval you get if you are not feeling it yourself.

You mention that you are on meds and maybe that’s also a contributing factor. And the new counsellor you are still getting used to. It sounds to me that there are a few too many loose ends for you to be sure of anything to be honest.

Just take things slowly with SO and see where it goes. You don’t need to make a decision now. Also, love after infidelity and divorce is not all butterflies.....it’s more about restoring your faith in love and human nature. Having said that, you need to feel something more than friendship for a relationship to be viable. I ended my relationship in the summer because I realised that I spent more time trying to convince myself that I was happy than actually being happy.

No rush and no deadlines. Give yourself time to figure things out. Slow is best.