Newest Member: Loyalandbetrayed

Just Found Out :
After 43 years....

Topic is Sleeping.
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 Dan90254 (original poster Member #75925) posted at 10:33 PM on Tuesday, May 18th, 2021

The D is not yet final. In CA the minimun D time is 6 months and we've been officially separated on Feb 25.

I moved in my new little house 2 weeks ago and my first time on the golf course I connected with 2 nice guys who invited me back twice. One of them is married to a French lady and he seems to enjoy speaking French with me. He is 90% fluent in addition of being funny and decent player.

I'm enjoying the warm and not too hot weather. That won't last, I know.

I had several contacts with her regarding our house in LA that's being leased and other administrative boring stuff. Nothing else.

I am very much missing the complicity that we had before while exchanging jokes, anecdotes, stories...I am sad when I think that that part of my life is gone forever.

As I said many times since my first post she was the perfect wife, companion for 43 years and then she called me.

On Apr 24 ( our 44 th anniversary was on the 23 rd) she sent this message.

"btw I didn't forget yesterday".

posts: 50   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Southern California
id 8660632
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 11:54 PM on Tuesday, May 18th, 2021

I feel for you. Horrible betrayal after so long together.

A friend of mine told be his biggest hurdle was realizing his wife was just a typical cheater. There was nothing special about her at all.

Right now you seem to be living on memories. That won’t change who she is or what she’s done. Until you realize that I’m afraid you’re going to keep yourself stuck.

Any contact will just extend your stay in limbo.

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8660660
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 12:03 AM on Wednesday, May 19th, 2021

She didn't forget yesterday; what a delicacy!

This is worse than pure evil.

If you did something evil, at least keep staying that way. But no, that would be good in a sense, and WSs at least can't do that for BSs.

posts: 476   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8660665
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paboy ( Member #59482) posted at 2:02 PM on Sunday, June 27th, 2021

Dan. How are you doing? Your story has been a sad one to follow. Hoping the best for your future.

posts: 586   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2017   ·   location: australia
id 8670364
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 Dan90254 (original poster Member #75925) posted at 12:32 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

I moved to LV 2 months ago in a nice little house. I made friends on the golf course my first day out. Those 2 guys adopted me and have invited me every monday since that first day.Sometimes we play with a fourth but he's not always available.

The D is proceeding slowly. My lawyer sent me the dissolution stipulation last week for my review. Everything is pretty simple.

I still communicate with her albeit sporadically. Administrative and business stuff. She refused to give me an explanation when we were face to face back in March so she sure not give me one now. I noticed that she has adopted a new way of dealing with tough questions. She simply ignores them. When a text message seems to annoy her she puts it aside and ignores it. She hates confrontations and will always take the easy way out. She does the same in dealing with her sister. Strange for a business person.

We should be done within 3 months.

I'm still very sad, very angry and also very lonely. I still can't quite comprehend how she lied to me for over one year. Lied and played me along with loving messages while she was having an affair with this other guy. We were separated by Covid and it was impossible to travel but their thing started 4 months before and she was already lying and lying.

As of now I'm not even sure she still is seeing him. Probably.

Something almost funny.

We kept a bank joint account for different reasons with the understanding that we could both draw on that account for regular expenses. If one of us has to use the account for unexpected or large expense he/she has to tell the other. It has worked. But she must feel so guilty that I have the impression that I could draw anything on that account and still have her blessing.

[This message edited by Dan90254 at 6:34 PM, June 29th (Tuesday)]

posts: 50   ·   registered: Nov. 29th, 2020   ·   location: Southern California
id 8671029
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goalong ( Member #57352) posted at 1:01 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

this may help to detach: in youtube ven. Tenzin Palmo Jetsunma's talk on attachment and clinging.

posts: 770   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2017   ·   location: USA
id 8671033
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goalong ( Member #57352) posted at 1:01 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

duplicate

[This message edited by goalong at 7:02 PM, June 29th (Tuesday)]

posts: 770   ·   registered: Feb. 9th, 2017   ·   location: USA
id 8671034
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Robert22205https ( Member #65547) posted at 1:28 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

Glad to hear you're enjoying your new home.

Don't say/do anything that might disrupt the peace with your wife. The less contact the better.

Once the divorce is final you can let her and your family know that the divorce was not friendly but rather the culmination of her selfish, deceitful and adulterous behavior. She not only abused your trust - but abused you with her lies.

posts: 2409   ·   registered: Jul. 22nd, 2018   ·   location: DC
id 8671038
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paboy ( Member #59482) posted at 1:45 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

The length of time of your marriage, will inevitably lead her to come to a remorseful moment, and she may reach out.

Unfortunately, this boat will have sailed.

It will take time to totally adjust, unfortunately this is the hand that was dealt out.

Make the best of what you have available.

Endeavor to enjoy as much of everything that you can.

You may still have an ace up your sleeve.

posts: 586   ·   registered: Jul. 4th, 2017   ·   location: australia
id 8671041
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guvensiz ( Member #75858) posted at 2:00 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

Glad to hear you Dan.

It's better not to ask questions that will remain unanswered.

It's normal to have feelings of sadness, anger, and loneliness, but I hope you're not showing them to her anymore. For a selfish person, that means "he still can't get me off his mind", and that only satisfies her.

I once asked a professor friend of mine, "The evil done by those who do evil is getting away with it, it's not fair, what should we do?" "Forget" he told me, "the ultimate punishment for someone is to be forgotten."

I know it would be unrealistic for me to advise you to forget 43 years. But at least you can look like that. You may seem to have forgotten her existence, whether her even existed before.

Enjoy your golf with your new friends. It would be nice if there was a nice lady as well. At least as a friend with whom you can share your feelings in these troubled days.

Wish you the best.

posts: 476   ·   registered: Nov. 14th, 2020
id 8671043
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Marz ( Member #60895) posted at 2:49 AM on Wednesday, June 30th, 2021

Not all are remorseful. My sister was a wayward. She never came back nor was she ever sorry for the destruction she left in her wake.

posts: 6611   ·   registered: Oct. 3rd, 2017
id 8671053
Topic is Sleeping.
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