She offered to disclose AP contact attempts on D-day when she said the A would be ended. Yesterday was my 1st 'test' and she sorta failed because she didn't volunteer, and while her replies matched the pattern I thought I saw, without evidence of what was said because the message was deleted...I cannot be sure what really happened. I do see record there was no response, but that could simply be because she picked up her work phone and dialed him directly.
She didn't sorta fail, she absolutely failed.
The test was to disclose, not match a pattern you observe from spying on her.
She didn't disclose.
Further, deleting anything is additional lying and hiding.
Its hard for me to understand how she can manufacture such tears and the look in her eyes when she cries them. How can I verify she has authentic remorse for me and our family and not just crying out of guilt/shame she got caught?
Tears are not an indication of remorse whatsoever. Tears are easy for somebody who has been busted doing something that is so incredibly wrong, betraying her husband and her vows.
That doesn't mean the tears are "fake", it just means they are self-serving bullshit that you should try your best to ignore.
Tell me who is really crying, at least on the inside - you or her?
My wife told me she wanted to watch a movie about a married couple's reconiliation with me. I agreed to watch the film with her, but not tonight
Careful - such material is usually of the nature of: "The cheater feels bad (now that they are caught), and they really didn't mean no harm, and they were conflicted, but she/he had her reasons. So now that they know they done wrong, betrayed spouse, please commence to rugsweeping and eating a shit sandwich."
• Your wife cheated on you
• She did not confess, she was caught
• It was an exit affair, and she was going to divorce you leaving you in the dark about her betrayal.
• She is still in contact with the other man
• She has not met the bare minimums of what she volunteered she would do as a safe partner
• She is jumping into "reconciliation stuff" without having done shit as far as true reconciliation actions.
And that is what it is - her actions - that tell you whether or not she is "authentic" and even then you will never truly know.
Unless you take your spying to the next level dude.
Anyway, the more important question than her remorse and authenticity is can you live with her after what she has done? Will you still want her once you find out the real dirty details, what she said, what she did, how she deceived you and betrayed your family?
You don't even know if this is her only time doing this.
You need to know more.
And then, all the recovery, reconciliation etc. - should you decide to grant her the chance - that stuff takes years to find its way and cement itself.
You can try hard for years and just decide: "Nope, fuck this."
And by the way, that is your right. In fact, that is what she did, without even telling you.
Good luck brother. Spy. I know you are resisting it, but spying is how you will know what's what.
[This message edited by faithfulman at 3:20 PM, September 4th (Friday)]