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New(?) Relationship

Tigersrule77 posted 1/9/2020 07:36 AM

Several years ago, I met up with a friend from college for a long weekend and we were intimate. I didn't think she really had feelings for me, I thought it was more of a fling. She lived in Michigan and I live in Maryland. Turned out, she did have feelings for me and was willing to try a long-distance relationship.

At the time, I was dating in Marlyand, no on exclusively, but had been out with one woman a few times and I wanted to meet her face to face to break up. Michigan friend didn't really believe me and decided she didn't want to date.

Fast forward three years, I've never found anyone else, nor did I completely give up on her, always held out hope she might change her mind. We met up again Thanksgiving weekend and feelings came back strong. She just came to visit me in Maryland for NYE and we had a great time.

It was a crazy weekend, but I really believe I am in love. It's been a LONG time since I felt this way. Any relationship for us survivors of infidelity is hard, this is harder, due to the distance. I'm torn between rushing forward and trying to take things slow and trying to be safe. I'm excited. I feel like I waited forever for this girl. Of course, she said she was into me when we were in college, so she has no pity for me.

Maudlin posted 1/9/2020 08:56 AM

The wise thing is take it slow and all, but letís face it- we have been thru an absolutely brutal experience and we probably are never going to get over it. We wonít trust ourselves, and we will second guess, and we will see shadows as monster. Thanks , exes🙄

So jump the fuck in. You love her, and that real. You do. So GO for it. It may end super badly, but hey youíve been thru the worst of ending badly, so put it all out there and at least see! You will regret not giving it your all. If it ends bad, well, you tried. If you donít, thatís worse IMO.

I am no expert. But I am not living my life in fear I will meet another ex, or hesitation. Life is just too short.

EvenKeel posted 1/9/2020 09:32 AM

LDR are tough but I have had a few successfully. Some ppl must see each other a lot in a relationship, I don't. So that has a lot to do with success.

My concern with your situation is this:

Michigan friend didn't really believe me and decided she didn't want to date.

As we know, trust is very important in all relationships but extra-so in NB relationships. So even when you were just deciding to date last time (and would have zero reason to lie); she was not believing you. That would concern me.

In my NB, I was constantly reminding myself to judge the new person based on what they demonstrated (NOT to hold them accountable for my past exes).
So if you gave this girl no reason not to trust you when you told her that, then I would be frustrated that she was calling your a liar already.

Heck - if you wanted to lie....why would you have even told her about the non-exclusive girl in the first place.

I know it is early in this R (sort of....because you do have the benefit of knowing her since college) but what are your long-term goals? Do/would they mesh with this situation, etc?

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