SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

For the past year I have been so depressed. I hated, I mean hated myself. I mean when someone cheats on you, they are basically saying you aren't worthy of love right (and for me that included loving myself)? To me it felt like my whole identity had been stolen from me. My security was gone. My confidence and self esteem were gone. I felt like he took it. But I guess I kinda let him. Because I let myself take all the blame for actions that had absolutely nothing to do with me or who I am. But for that year, it did not feel that way. I mean I hated everything about myself from my looks, my weight, my hair, all the way to my smarts, my personality, my sense of humor. Did I mention how much self loathing was going on? Haha. A sickening amount. And I was on antidepressants and seeing a therapist too by the way.

Butttttt....

I just cannot believe I hated myself so much. I'm so sad about that now. I'm seeing the truth. The fog of depression has cleared and I can see it all now. I'm falling back in love with myself, and guess what! I'm a pretty freakin awesome person. I did a thing which a wonderful friend encouraged me to do, which is, I signed up for an online dating site just to see what's out there and within a weekend I had 1,000 likes...I have no idea if that's a lot but it seems like a lot. To me it's all very overwhelming. But the thing is, everyone digs me. From my personality to my looks. I feel like I'm a hot commodity and I can't believe I spent a year wallowing in self hate thinking that no one on this planet would ever want me again! At this point, I've even been on several dates and these guys are just totally into me. And it's not that I need their validation to love myself. It's just that they reminded me of who I am. So sorry for the kinda brag about myself but I just had to put it out there that I love myself and it feels amazing and you should love yourself too because you're a pretty fantastic person!!!! I'm sending some positive vibes your way right meow

Oh yeah... for me, it was roughly 2.5 years of self hate, devaluation, and no feeling of self worth.

Since then, once I found the path of untangling my emotions from my intelligence and rediscovering myself. Understanding and that my situation was not self created but a product of my EXWW's actions.. That dark cloud has since dissipated.

While I may not have had the success you have.. I can say that I have recently had prospects on the radar and one in particular that while timing may be bad.. the horizon is not out of reach.. but it's my decision, if I choose that path..

Amazing how things can change, and the future can be bright again.

I hated everything about myself from my looks, my weight, my hair, all the way to my smarts, my personality, my sense of humor. Did I mention how much self loathing was going on? Haha. A sickening amount. And I was on antidepressants and seeing a therapist too by the way.

Mamabear1 - I can 100% identify with every single word and sentiment that you typed here. This is totally me.

The fog of depression has cleared and I can see it all now. I'm falling back in love with myself, and guess what! I'm a pretty freakin awesome person.

This is awesome, and exactly where I am trying to get to. Thanks for this post. I am so happy for you, and thanks for drawing me in to post in the New Beginnngs forum for the first time, after I've been here for so many years. Here's to you, and thank you for the inspiration.

LilBlackCat

Oh mannn. 2.5 years! It is amazing how things can change just when you feel like you're stuck feeling a certain way forever. I mean honestly there were so many times I really wanted to end my life over how much I hated myself. And that absolutely horrifies me now. They may have done terrible, terrible things to us. But now we get to say how the rest of our lives go. And that's exciting for me now. I had to mourn the loss of a dream and life that I was so sure of. And maybe once we let go of all those expectations we had, we can embrace that we have so many more opportunities in front of us that we didn't see/didn't know could even be possible before.

LosferWords

You're so gonna get there. And when you do, you better write a post all about it It wasn't an over night change for me. It was a slow realization. But I really think anyone who has survived infidelity is a bad ass person! So hey bad ass, you're rockin it! Also, let's be best friends now ok! Haha!

Thank you for the inspirational words. I'm glad you see how wonderful you are!!!