"You can survive this. Talk to others that have"

SLM10 posted 8/7/2019 00:16 AM

Its coming up on 4 years, which is hard to believe, I cant believe it was that long ago, but at the same time, not a day goes by where he doesn't cross my mind. He married his AP and they had a baby all under 3 years, I was devastated...and I will never know if karma exists or if he is happy. I shouldn't care if he is....I just still miss the person he was, who I spent 5 years with. I am lucky no kids were involved...its just insane to me that his betrayal has left so many scars on me and he has seemed to float through life unscathed by this. I think the worst part was people telling me he would regret it and try to come back, that never happened. He showed little remorse because in my mind his remorse would have been not staying with the person he destroyed me for. Do these people even care or realize anything? Do I even cross his mind or was I just a stepping stone? I am still so angry at the betrayal, and now its being all dredged back up because my parents have decided to separate and there is def a third party involved. Do these relationships actually workout for these people???? I am much stronger and have evolved and done a lot of work, I dont understand why my brain still wants the validation and answers that I will never get. Are they really as happy as we think?

I just would love a day to go by where his name doesn't float in my head once, just once!

Marz posted 8/7/2019 00:29 AM

They always come back is a myth.

If they are unhappy you'd never know it.

In order to fully move on you need activity/interests, etc. you can't think of two things at once. It will dissipate over time. Faster if you occupy yourself.

EvenKeel posted 8/7/2019 07:26 AM

I just would love a day to go by where his name doesn't float in my head once, just once!

It will.

I am worried that you are 4 years out and are not seeing any improvements though? I found each year it did get better. It is possible to get stuck during your healing and need a little help.

I think the worst part was people telling me he would regret it and try to come back

Mine did not either. I think that is a blessing though. It would have just upset me more to think "Oh so now you are crawling back like I am plan B" No thanks.

I think mine does have some regrets but I believe it is more like "Poor me....look how sucky my life is." versus "OMG....look at all the damage and pain I caused".

You are looking for something he is probably not capable of. Don't let that hold you back. Reach out for some help to get you totally healed. It is hard but sooo worth it.

better4me posted 8/12/2019 21:19 PM

I dont understand why my brain still wants the validation and answers that I will never get.

Thoughts are just like that, they keep floating on by. I think it just takes as long as it takes to stop wondering about the "whys". And it makes a lot of sense that your parents' stuff is making your stuff come up again.

Go. Live your life. And when thoughts of the past come up, just let them come and let them go and don't spend much time on them.

I just would love a day to go by where his name doesn't float in my head once, just once!

I'm not sure after all this time that that has happened to me yet. I think when we live through a trauma its bound to affect our thinking as our brain tries to keep us safe. Now, when a thought of him comes up, I just go "meh" and don't dwell on it.

Charity411 posted 8/21/2019 14:15 PM

It will fade eventually. I had to retrain my brain. Whenever I would get down, or really tired or overwhelmed, for some reason his phone number would pop into my head. It drove me nuts.

One day I decided that I was going to replace that number with a family member's number. Whenever his number would pop into my brain, I'd immediately start reciting the other phone number to myself. Within about six months, whenever I'd get tired or down, the phone number of someone I actually liked would pop into my brain and I no longer was reminded of him.