SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

Yes I told anyone that would listen. I didn't cheat I had nothing to be ashamed of . Didn't tell his family members. Mine and our friends.

I've read somewhere that if the A is ongoing the more you disclose the quicker it will end. Reality strikes pretty fast.

I found out 7 years after the PA was over (confirmed by poly). While I thought there was a chance at R I told hardly anyone. After we separated I tell everyone. My WW told our daughters. Once they were told I my brothers and sisters, board members on two boards I sit on, friends, etc. If someone asks after my WW I tell them we're separated and why.

My friends have been great. Very supportive.

I didn't tell my family because they live 1000 miles away & while they would have been supportive as best they could...they are 1000 miles away.

Didn't tell my wife's family because they are a bunch of enablers. One of her sisters has been married 3x, cheated on each one, and every time her dad has welcomed her back home, bought her a place to live, and put her on the company payroll. Her other sister is a yoga/hippie/vegan nut who is all about "righting your energy" and would have said something about my wife's chi being out of balance and offering yoga instruction on getting it back to the right place. So, they are all non-confrontational and enablers...who also live 1000 miles away.

Didn't tell our kids because we decided to R. I did tell my wife that if she decided to walk out, she was going to be the one to tell them and she would be telling them everything. That was one of the things that helped snap her out of her fog. She didn't want to have to admit what she did to the kids.

On another note, I did tell a number of friends whom I would consider brothers. They were an excellet support network, some of whom had gone through similar experiences earlier in their lives.

I come from a big family, so the telling everyone threshold is a big deal for me.

I confided in brother and one sister when the shit was raining down. I needed some help and didn't want to over-burden my few close friends. Deep into a troubled R, I told the whole family. They were devastated and very angry at my XWW. I told my older kids (from first marriage) at that time.

DD found out way early (possibly even before D-Day?) by reading her mother's emails. She learned not only about the affair, but my reaction to it all. That has proven to be hugely problematic.

XWW told her family near the end, as part of some giant confessional. Now she's telling folks that she was the victim in that I over-reacted to her minor sexual transgressions. It is helpful sorting out the people with fucked up values (who believe that narrative) from people who are solid (and see through that as a horrible self-deception).

I told my family, and his immediate family, and a couple of close friends within the first day.

I told his sister because I knew he'd talk to her before anyone else and I was scared for him, and I told his parents because I wanted them to know I didn't want our marriage to end.

My husband is currently fully engaged with the OW (traveling out of state to be with her over the holidays, after telling me immediately before Christmas).

His niece/nephew actually figured out who the OW was, because WS was so overprotective of who OW was, and where she lived. He hasn't had any contact with me or his family in the past few days. His family say it's kind of like he is dead—only worse since he's doing this intentionally.

I'm telling our larger circle as I encounter them. I don't feel like I need to hide his secret; this has little to do with me.

No. My family wouldn’t get over it even if I could and we don’t see his family enough to do so, but I haven’t considered it from time to time. I would if we were to D. My first M ended in D and I didn’t tell his family thinking he needed support so they blamed me. To this day, it irritates me. My family did know of that one.

I told my family first. He told one sibling when I filed for divorce and slowly told the rest of his family. What he told them I'd love to know. When the first sibling called me to say how sad he was for our situation, he had no idea to the extend of my WH' s affair. Wh kept saying "I made a mistake" when in reality he was carrying on a full blown affair for months complete with the "I love you's" and "wish I could wake up with you every day". Yeah I'm sure the version they were given was very different from mine. BTW - WH knew i told everyone and it didn't change anything. Even after he started disclosing to his family he was still talking to COW and "accidentally running into her". Bullshit!