SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

TBS,

Going by what everyone has been saying, and what you say yourself, I think that maybe the best thing would be for you and your wife to go and talk to her HR department together. The situation is fraught with potential pitfalls, and much awkwardness all round, plus your anxiety, plus...

Well, let's face it, this is just a ridiculous situation. It is great that your wife has got a promotion, but she cannot be involved, professionally or personally, with that guy. If she says or does anything negative towards him, he can claim it is being done for revenge, which puts your wife in a position of weakness as his manager. How can she ever discipline him or control him?

I know how important privacy and discretion about this whole thing is to you, but the promotion has pushed the situation to a point where HR really should be made aware of the dynamics involved in the promotion. Your wife is clearly a bright and terrific woman, but she is making herself extremely vulnerable to being charged with bias or prejudice if she does anything to chastise the guy. How can a manager operate in a scenario like that?

If your wife wants to take this promotion, she needs to make a managerial break and that guy. Anything else just is not right, and puts everyone involved in a bad position.

With that in mind, and with your entirely understandable concerns, that is why I think you and your wife should go together and talk to her HR department, to see if something can be changed so that she is not in any way the guy's line manager (even a couple of times removed).

I agree with what many others here have pointed out...your wife being the direct supervisor of AP COW has potential disaster written all over it. Supervising AP COW is much, much more complicated than simply cheating with a COW in another department.

Clearly, you cannot trust your wife's AP COW...he fucked your wife and has zero loyalty (or respect) for you or her. I would not make ANY assumptions about what her AP COW would or would not do with this "high value" carnal knowledge shared with your wife (his boss).

Regardless of what your wife says or thinks, it will cloud her judgement when doing employee reviews, task assignments, etc. The fear of disclosure can mess with your thinking and it is so difficult to keep affairs secret in an office environment. Somebody might find out or her AP COW could use it as leverage in their working relationship. Is she willing to take this kind of risk with her career?

I have mixed feelings about the advice others have given to go to HR now and clear the air. While I applaud being proactive on this, there is also the risk HR might then view your wife as "risky" management potential. Much depends on the the attitude and value system of HR and the company. A more conservative company might see your wife's situation as a negative to advance into management. Something to consider.

There is an old saying on these forums...Infidelity: the gift that keeps giving. Your wife's stupidity not only damaged your marriage it could possibly damage her career if this situation goes sideways.

[This message edited by Klaatu at 1:36 PM, September 2nd (Saturday)]