SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's always a help to talk - even with as many years in this mess as I have.

Update: I casually asked her about this event over our morning coffee. She said she's definitely not going - no one I want to see there - is how she put it. So it's a win.

Awesome man! Sorry I didn't see your response on the second page earlier.

completely free to make whatever choice I want - which will be to divorce her

which you should have done right after you found the LTA. which would have set you free from all this nightmares

My WH had an A with an old HS GF from 30 years ago. They were soul mates, in love and planning to leave their spouses for each other.

MOW did leave her BH in the midst of the A. MOW forced WH's hand and he panicked and finally admitted to her that he wasn't leaving me. Somewhere around the time she actually left her BH, my WH realized that shit just got real and it wasn't what he wanted after all. She then outed the A to me on FB in retaliation for him not leaving me for her (unbeknownst to her, he told me first)

MOW never went back to her BH, she stalked us and was hoping for WH to come back to her. 8 months later MOW's BH committed suicide. She sent me a FB message within 24 hours of his death to relay to my WH that her BH was now dead.. she thought my WH would want to know..

My WH never knew or met her BH.. she thought in her deluded mind that with her BH now dead that my WH would want to know and would now come back to her.

He did no such thing..

I don't think it ever occurred to her narcissistic self, that he stayed with me because he loved me, not her. We have no kids together so she couldn't delude herself that he stayed for the kids.. but she obviously couldn't wrap her little pea brain around the fact that he actually might love his wife.

I can answer this because my fwh actually did leave me for her. She was his co-worker (carpool partner-pardon me while I go back in time and slap myself on the head to get a clue), but he didn't tell me when he left me. It was strange, because I "knew" then, but somehow in being gaslighted, I got convinced it wasn't an a. Denial is powerful, because I found out at some point that she was divorced

Sorry, submit is NOT the same as preview...

Anyway, she was divorced somewhere in the midst of their lta and though I knew her, nobody told me this happened. (She lied to her boss for years, though. Equal opportunity liar.)

But I STILL didn't let it sink in that it was an a.

So apparently, while I was grieving being left, he was in some kind of relationship with her. But alas, go figure--it didn't work out! Can you imagine?! It wasn't rainbows and stars and glittery hearts, once shit got real.

I guess she finally called it quits when he WASN'T divorcing me as planned, even though we no longer lived together. He had to grieve the loss of both relationships on his own, which made him suicidal. She eventually wanted to get back together and since he finally saw what kind of person she really was, dropped her. And, he saw what kind of person I really was, too. Because despite the pain he put me through, I held up and remained decent.

(While I'd love to take the credit he gives me for keeping the family together and being an extraordinary person, the truth is if I had really known everything, I may have just as easily committed an act too creative and/or illegal to detail here. I will never know, because if it ever happens again he can hope he doesn't get slammed in the door on my way out!)

Anyway, I have to admit that in my case it helped because I didn't have to watch him try and get over anybody, I forgave him easier because he saw his own destruction long before I knew , she got to know he wouldn't divorce me, he got to see what life without his family was like, and I look like the better person. Anger came after I found out, when we were already in r.

And Jesusismyanchor, when they were "just carpool partners", I used to wonder all the time if they'd be better together. They both looked the part of well-groomed phony liars.

I know my WH will not leave me for her. She is nothing that he would want if he was single. I know that because he looks for a specific persoanalitu type as well as physical . She didn't meet either requirement. She was there purely out of selfishness. It wasn't real and he tells me that all the time. Plus out of his own mouth he said I can't trust her what she did to her kids and husband is something I will always feel awful about. He recognized that he almost split apart another family due to his own selfishness.

However, if for some reason he were to leave me for her, good riddance I wouldn't want to be with someone who's a lying, cheating bastard that puts myself and my children through another round of hell. Not to be conceded but I know I'm a damn good mother and provider for my family .

I work hard for them and they mean everything to me l,

If he doesn't feel the same and wants to go with some superficial skank than by all means. They can go enjoy eachother and I can enjoy my family in peace with or without him.