SurvivingInfidelity.com^®

It's hard..

We have to be willing to lose the marriage to get what we deserve from our WS's...

However, being able to lose the marriage takes some preparation..Getting ducks in a row so to speak...Knowing we can make it in logistical / practical terms, be able to walk away immediately after rocking the boat (if need be).

He needs to know that there is nothing holding you back from walking away tomorrow..

I definitely agree the person who feels like they have less to lose has more power.

Prior to her affair the balance was pretty equal. We always didn't agree on everything, but we negotiated. That all changed after she cheated.

Before DDay if I wanted to go on a golf trip I would ask if we had anything on the calendar, and did she mind. After I would still ask about the calendar, but the does she mind went out the window.

I had already lost my marriage, at least the one I wanted when she cheated. Didn't have much more to lose after that

Thanks everyone for your support.

In first weeks after DDay while reading here, a book "Women who love too much" was mentioned. Don't remember who recommended it but thank you from the bottom of my heart.

I would advice it to any woman who feels that she gave all herself to marriage/relationship and was used and disrespected in return.

I've learned how important to love yourself, not in a selfish way but respect your own needs. How many times I betrayed myself trying to please my husband, to make him comfortable at the cost of my emotional wellbeing or other little sacrifices that he either preferred not to notice or secretly enjoyed it and took it for granted.

Perhaps this love imbalance we create ourself first, put putting on pedestal our spouses and completely ignoring our inner self.