Congratulations. You are now in the fog lifting stage. I remember that stage. The moment when you realize that something isn't right- that the OM is wrong and you start to see them in a new light. This is where you seem to be...
He bought me running clothes yesterday and came over and we went to the gym.
I am just confused on why he needs me emotionally.
THIS.^^^ The reason you feel this way is because he is selfishly playing with your emotions to make himself feel better. He feels guilty for playing with your emotions, so he buys you things to feel better about what he's doing. Ego kibbles for him. It's just enough to make you feel special for a moment, he can feel better about what he's done and doing, but he can convince himself that he's not crossing a line. Truth be known? You are both still crossing boundaries and trying to sit on the fence.
Very gently, you are both eating the cake, but now that you've taken the physical and strong emotional contact out it all, you both are seeing a new light. The cake doesn't taste the same without the icing.
So, how do you change this? How do you feel better? There is only one way to feel better; to begin to heal you.
You have to cut the ties. You have to look within yourself and ask why you are dependent on him when he is treating you like this...yet you have a husband who is still committed completely to you.
Can a recovering alcoholic walk into a bar and just look at his favorite beer that he's had many fun nights with and never want to pick it up again? No. It would be impossible to remove yourself from something that brought you happiness (whether it be authentic or not) unless you cut ties.
In order for you to heal from this, you will need to begin by uderstanding the loss of this "relationship." Understand that it will never be that way again and that it was never real authentic feelings. It was something that only made you feel good in the moment. And you know this because you feel it right now. It's not the same and never will be.
It's very common for WS to grieve the loss of a OP. While it can be very difficult and also extremely hard on the BS to see this take place, it's the next step to the fog lifting and understanding that what happened was not a real life scenario. The relationship was literally a fog that covered your life painting beautiful scenes that were never really there.
But it's hard to completely let go because I have no one to really talk to.
Once you let go, you'll find that you do have someone to talk to. Your husband.
Keep posting. SI will be here to help you with the process.
[This message edited by wheredoigo at 9:53 AM, November 7th (Friday)]
