Newest Member: girlangry89

Just Found Out :
Before You Say Reconcile...

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MrsSprky99 ( Member #32895) posted at 3:35 AM on Thursday, July 28th, 2011

Thanks so very much for posting this for all of us who are recently experiencing this for the very first time. Puts everything in perspective well!

BW (me) - 47
WH (him) - 53
Married - 14 years
3 Children - 25, 24 from first relationship & 10 y/o with WH
D-Day: June 11, 2011

posts: 78   ·   registered: Jul. 26th, 2011   ·   location: Northern IL
id 5359512
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Brentwood ( Member #27465) posted at 3:44 AM on Thursday, July 28th, 2011

Thanks for bumping...it was just what I needed to see again to remember that my STBXH is never gonna understand what R really is.

Happily divorced after seven years of false R and TT. I'm sixty, single, and spectacular!














posts: 417   ·   registered: Feb. 4th, 2010   ·   location: S. California
id 5359527
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crazynot ( Member #24572) posted at 9:27 AM on Thursday, July 28th, 2011

Just remember, that failing to get to 'R' is no reflection on you. If the affair has been serious (as in my case), trying to 'R' may be a big mistake and separation/divorce a positive step. Never thought I'd say that 2 years ago!

Me - 50
Him - 51
DDay 21 March 2009
Divorcing and delighted!

Do you want me to tell you something really subversive? Love is everything it's cracked up to be. That's why people are so cynical about it.

posts: 1463   ·   registered: Jun. 26th, 2009   ·   location: UK
id 5359840
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SabinatheOwl ( Member #30023) posted at 4:14 PM on Saturday, July 30th, 2011

Bump

Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou

posts: 1350   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: Metro DC
id 5363606
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annb ( Member #22386) posted at 7:17 PM on Wednesday, August 3rd, 2011

bump

posts: 11257   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5369565
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lordhasaplan? ( Member #30079) posted at 1:50 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2011

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 5372474
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whyme80 ( Member #32418) posted at 9:18 PM on Friday, August 5th, 2011

Oh, if only had I read this a few more times and with more attention after d-day...I wouldn't have wasted the last 6 weeks, and I would have spared myself so much pain.

posts: 292   ·   registered: Jun. 7th, 2011   ·   location: Ireland
id 5373317
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suspicious247 ( Member #33014) posted at 8:01 PM on Saturday, August 6th, 2011

Wow excellent post! I will save this one.

Question - at first he was doing everything in column 1. But after about 6-8 months he completely went to column 2. His explanation for this is that we have already talked about everything and I have repeated myself numerous times and he is not stupid and does not need to be told the same thing multiple times. And there is nothing more to discuss.

Is there a time frame where you cant expect column 1 anymore?

posts: 401   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2011
id 5374511
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suspicious247 ( Member #33014) posted at 8:04 PM on Saturday, August 6th, 2011

Well except for the transparency part. That was never fully provided even though he agreed to do it. And I felt bad bugging him about it. Thought I'd misuse it myself since feel the need to snoop pretty often. Would rather have passwords withhout him knowing, otherwise whats the point.

Also, do PI's supply passwords? I see tons of site online but they seem like scams. Looking for somoene reputable...

posts: 401   ·   registered: Aug. 6th, 2011
id 5374517
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annb ( Member #22386) posted at 8:11 PM on Sunday, August 7th, 2011

bump

posts: 11257   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5375775
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dove ( Member #15382) posted at 5:40 AM on Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

The problem that I have is knowing if he is being truthful. We have tried MC and I found out that he lied to both me and the MC.

How can I trust him again? I guess I have to give a vlear list and a deadline for myself

Dove

posts: 244   ·   registered: Jul. 17th, 2007
id 5378329
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Crazy Daze ( Member #31843) posted at 7:27 AM on Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

Yes! 2 years of rugsweeping has come to an end and we are finally in reconciliation!

Me-BS, Him-WS
A began-6/2009 - M 30 years
D-Day- 02/2010
WS left 3 days after 31st Anniversary
WS back 6 months later - False R
Limbo - Asked WS to leave after 32nd Anniversary
A ended 07/2011
Successfully R'd
Recovered, Restored, Renewed!

posts: 124   ·   registered: Apr. 12th, 2011
id 5378407
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greenmoose ( Member #32727) posted at 2:01 PM on Tuesday, August 9th, 2011

we are in R,WF does it all except the last one. This is still a stumbling block for us. I do not believe he is still in the affair, but he will not provide details. I have to pull EVERYTHIMG out of him. He will admit to it if I have evidence, but otherwise he remains silent. He says he can't stand hurting me. I think that is part of it, but more I think he protecting himself.

The TT has got to stop. We go along fine for a couple of weeks, then something pops up out of the blue and we are derailed. I will be showing him this chart today. Thank you so much for posting

me BS 43
him WH 36
M 15 yrs
4 children, two still in the house
multiple affairs thoughout marriage (five that I know of)
currently R

posts: 316   ·   registered: Jul. 10th, 2011
id 5378561
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annb ( Member #22386) posted at 8:26 PM on Thursday, August 11th, 2011

bump

posts: 11257   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5382794
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NewTurn ( Member #26399) posted at 5:10 AM on Friday, August 12th, 2011

bump

BW-45
DDay too many to count! Many false R till final DDay Dec 5 2008
Divorced Feb 2009

Insanity is doing the same thing and expecting different results!

posts: 51   ·   registered: Dec. 3rd, 2009   ·   location: Tx
id 5383472
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lordhasaplan? ( Member #30079) posted at 3:00 PM on Sunday, August 14th, 2011

bump

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 5386552
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SabinatheOwl ( Member #30023) posted at 4:49 PM on Wednesday, August 17th, 2011

bump

Details & story in profile

"Live a life not an apology." Edward R.Murrow

"I can be changed by what happens to me but I refuse to be reduced by it."

Maya Angelou

posts: 1350   ·   registered: Nov. 5th, 2010   ·   location: Metro DC
id 5391502
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annb ( Member #22386) posted at 7:16 PM on Tuesday, August 23rd, 2011

bump

posts: 11257   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5400418
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lordhasaplan? ( Member #30079) posted at 2:18 PM on Wednesday, August 24th, 2011

For (((exhaustedmum)))

BS- Me (45)
D-day: 5/18/10, lies and TT till (11/26/10).
Currently in R.
Don't carry others crap. It's your job to fix yourself, not your spouse.

posts: 2104   ·   registered: Nov. 10th, 2010
id 5401807
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annb ( Member #22386) posted at 4:07 PM on Friday, August 26th, 2011

bump for ununderstood

posts: 11257   ·   registered: Jan. 10th, 2009   ·   location: Northeast
id 5405761
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