A,
I hope your wife reads this.
To make any comparison is invidious in the first place. To make comparisons of things so unalike is impossible in the second place.
I note that her comments were all about her receiving. And so once again the truism rears its head - its what you give, not what you get. Its about giving not taking.
And so in marriage and sex, it can stale, same venue, same time, same techniques, same positions, same bills and responsibilities, same, same, same.
Forbidden sex is illicit and exciting - the nerve endings are more alert, because of the sense of danger and risk. This transmits a higher 'sensation', mixed in with the drugs of dopamine and various other endorphins that kick in with the addiction. You try harder, the 'fit' is only one borne of unfamiliarity, different nerve endings.
yes, of course, she told them she loved them. She is female and needs to dress the fantasy into something more acceptable to the female brain. Yes, of course, they told her they loved her. They need to play the game. And yes, they will have had a fun time.
Nothing real. Just an escape from themselves. Not a finding of themselves, an escape and a losing of themselves.
Your wife is looking old and wrinkled you say? Yes, this happened to Dorian Gray in the attic, the sensations of adolescence, youth etc are revisited at a cost. The ugliness within. The ugliness that one is trying to escape. Looking into the eyes of the mirror of the AP, also ugly, both pretending to be something other than themselves. A veneer.
And now she has to look into your eyes and see her ugliness mirrored by your feelings. And so, again she does not take responsibility. Again, she thinks of herself first, how to make it more palatable to herself, how to deflect you from her ugliness to worry about yours. To dump onto you, so you feel bad.
Yes, you have made a safe place now for her to tell you things. I do not suggest there should be editing or mediation of fact - but there should for sure be much greater responsibility in the telling - why it made her feel like she felt. A greater self-awareness, a real deep digging into the truth.
But no, she just dumps on you and expects you to carry it, analyse it and fix it.
I'm sorry.