Lost

Hi everyone, new here, although I wish I’d stumbled across this community the last time, and the last… And so on. I’m sorry in advance if this comes across as a massive info dump, I’m still in shock and I don’t think my brain is functioning properly (I’m also AUDHD so bear with!)

I’ve been with my partner for 7 years now, we’re not married and no children. We have a couple of dogs, live together and run a business together. We started living together extremely quickly due to Covid and lockdown, quicker than I would have liked. Looking back I was so naive, insecure etc. Every ex I’ve had has been a cheat, and growing up I was exposed to my father cheating on my mother, I have almost normalised it.

The first incident happened early on. It was a fresh relationship, but I eventually still gave him the benefit of the doubt. There had been a crossover at the beginning of our relationship, he came clean about everything (something I wasn’t used to) and told the other woman he couldn’t see her anymore. I broke up with him, but we ended up reconciling. In hindsight I should have walked away early on but I was extremely immature in my 20’s and in desperate need of therapy due to childhood trauma.

Over the years there have been a number of other women that have contacted me to say they have been seeing him/sleeping with him. One had been over the course of a couple of weeks and once he had slept with her he was outed by somebody unknown to me (throwaway account on social media). He never saw or spoke to her again as far as I was aware and called it off infront of me. Within days there was another big reveal. A woman known to me (through work) approached me and said she’d been having a 2 year affair with him. She knew about me the whole time, and he had called it off with her THAT DAY (!) stating he wanted to be with me and make things work, so needed to stop contact with her. So, she finally decided to reach out to me, out of sheer spite. She took joy in revealing the affair to me. I spiralled, had a complete mental breakdown and I ended up in trauma therapy for 2 years.

Despite all of this, I listened to his promises, even though his actions still didn’t really align. I was stuck in a number of ways, he loves our dogs so much and they love him, which naturally makes me feel guilty. We run a successful business together so through every crisis, work has had to come first and the show must go on, bills to be paid, etc etc. I ended up getting myself into a lot of debt trying to just ‘cope’. I have horses which are my absolute world and something I genuinely rely on to keep me going through the bullshit (but they are expensive and a luxury, I know). My lifestyle became incredibly hard to financially maintain due to my brain completely switching off through the mountain of trauma I was dealing with, therefore getting behind on basic bills, and effecting my credit score so badly that I’m now trying to claw my way out of complete financial destruction. I can’t even leave and get another place easily due to this.

And then last weekend - the next blow. Another woman. A mutual of ours reached out to me, in fact hounded me, demanding I speak to her friend who has been seeing him for a year without my knowledge. This went on all through the night, me in utter despair, the other woman harrassing me over social media and him spilling every sickening detail in the hopes of forgiveness. It ended at the beginning of this year, but she has only just discovered me, his long suffering partner.

She is demanding answers, insisting I speak to her, sending pictures and videos of them. I haven’t said a word to her, I have been in a state of shock and disbelief, anger, resentment, how could he do this to me AGAIN?! I don’t want to speak to her. I have seen and heard every detail through the mutual connection and my partner has come clean. The ap made a post on a public group on social media, exposing him, that evening. I was ripped to shreds in the comments by women who don’t know me, and even tagged, discussing how I must be so insecure to constantly forgive his behaviour. These people have no idea about my personal circumstances, yet I feel so judged. Believe me if I could have upped and left, I would have by now. I’m a very private person so the post in particular affected me deeply, ontop of the affair.

I don’t know what I wanted to achieve from this post! I just needed somewhere to vent my frustration with others who get it. Thankyou for reading if you got this far, and I apologise if it was scattered, my brain is so tired x

4 comments posted: Friday, July 31st, 2026