I’m in shock of my decisions.

Hello,
I never imagined I’d be in this place, caught in the wreckage of my own actions, watching the person I love most suffer because of me. My wife and I have been together for 12 years, married for nearly 5. And now, because of a single night of many bad decisions, everything has been shattered.

Ultimately, I made a terrible decision. I got drunk, I got high, but none of that excuses what I did. I had a one-night stand. I take full responsibility. I don’t understand why I allowed myself to get into that situation or why I didn’t stop it. But I did it, and it’s on me and that hurts.

The worst part is seeing the pain I’ve caused her. She’s in shock, then denial, then breaks down in sobs I can’t help her through. She doesn't even feel safe confiding in her friends because she’s afraid of being judged. I keep telling her she’s the one who was betrayed and I’m the one who will be judged.

I want nothing more than for her to heal. Of course, I wish that healing could include me, but I know that might not be possible. Whether she stays or goes, I want to support her recovery in any way I can.

So I’m asking: what can I do now? Do I give her space and move to the other side of the house (moving out isn’t possible at this point)? Do I try to talk to her, or is that selfish right now? I just want to help her find a path through this pain.

- Someone with less integrity than before

2 comments posted: Tuesday, September 16th, 2025