Depressed boyfriend cheated-6 years
Hi,
I found out 6 weeks ago that my (34f) depressed boyfriend (32m) of 6 years cheated on me with a woman for a few weeks. He became depressed 18 months ago when his mum passed away from cancer, ever since I've tried to be supportive, I've made sure he's eaten, been there day and night, never made him feel pressured to be affectionate or anything like that because I understand how grief can impact you wanting to feel close to someone again and that it would take time. After she passed I made sure he ate, made sure bills were taken care of, did everything to take the pressure off him.
He spent a few months staying at a friends and a few months at his dads house, not staying at our family home or let me see my stepchild. When it was a key date I would always donate to the hospice she passed away at, I got his child a large blanket with them and my partners mum on holding hands, I would be there when he was rocking beside her ashes and simple hold him as he broke down, multiple times. I never said a bad word or put my needs in front of his for this. I was just there for support, whenever he was ready.
I can replay everything about the day he came clean about what he had done. I don't know all of the details, I said to him I didn't even want to know who she is (I know I would look online and compare myself). Whenever we try and speak about it, he says very little, I don't know if he's ashamed of it or because he was in the midst of being suicidal (depression hit him harder when the affair happened). I'm waiting on the way this woman messages me to tell me what happened but I'm not interested if so. It happened and no answer will make me feel better but any extra detail will cause me to overthink further. I think about what they did, how it happened, how often he saw her. This woman had a partner too, so I don't know if her thought process was to leave her partner for him but I'll never know.
I'm atill absolutely numb 6 weeks later. I don't know why, why would he have done it, it's not really important as he's done it I get that but he doesn't know why, I'm absolutely lost. He said if his mum hadn't have passed this wouldn't be happening. I don't know how to process it. I feel completely numb. He only told me because he was worried that someone else would tell me before he did.
I feel like I should be over it, or at least further on, I find myself crying randomly over couple videos, I turn off the radio if a love song comes on. I don't feel angry, I feel absolutely nothing right now. He's constantly messaging me and cannot pinpoint why he did it. I know he's depressed and I've researched how depression can make you try and escape but he still did it, the man I thought would never hurt me and who I thought loved me more than anything.
I don't know how to get past it, or if I even can. I feel like even if we officially broke up I would want to be alone forever. Sounds dramatic I know. 
Can anyone relate?
12 comments posted: Wednesday, July 30th, 2025
Post being told-6 weeks
Hi,
So I found out 6 weeks ago and sometimes I feel over it and then it just hits me from nowhere. We were together for just over 6 years (it's obviously complicated at the moment-no decision making as I'm attempting to process.
I cry when I see videos of couples in love, love songs, anything it all makes me cry. I feel so numb with everything and I feel like after 6 weeks I should be further on than what I am.
I've just watched a video proposal and started bursting into tears, which tells me I'm not over this and maybe it's what I saw with my partner.
Right now, I feel like I just want to be alone forever.
3 comments posted: Tuesday, July 29th, 2025
