Physical Affair Followed by Sexual Texting/Non-Physical Long Term Affair

I found texts dating back to March '24 that were highly sexual and desire-fantasy in content meant to stimulate each other's masturbating. My wife was honest and admitted to having sex with him last year and had kept the communication up, claiming she has not seen him again. She states this is a part of abandonement, desire deficiency and lack of sexual intimacy in our relationship. I dont even disagree to what has been missing and have deep regret i didnt have enough courage to talk with her about it.

But she has kept these things so separate (presumably some trauma there) she doesnt see the connection that I have to love being essential for sexual intimacy and the betrayal is like sacrifice to her love for me. I feel cruel and justified woth basically everything right now emotionally. And ive recently discovered that i may need exactpy what will hurt her the most because of her deep psychological issues. She states she doesnt want to guilt me and i believe her. I dont feel guilty over that but i do feel like I cant be around her for at least a little while to heal fully. And this is basically her deepest vulnerability and fear. I know im not responsible for that but i have a heart. Unfortunately im also in mental health so i overthink/overfeel/overempathize for lirerally a living so this isnt easy at all.

But yall have summed that up. Any perspective can be nice. Id prefer if you all can stay away with what i need to decide about her or her character. That part im already tortured with.

6 comments posted: Wednesday, April 16th, 2025