One year later and still struggling

It will be a year in April that I discovered his 18 month affair. I saw a strange text from a coworker the night before and something told me to check his phone early the next morning. At 5:30am he texted CW2CU. I exploded but controlled myself enough not to wake my 4 children. He swore they were just good friends. That they spent a lot of time talking and going for walks at school. Yes, both teachers. I was relentless to pull the truth. I pulled the phone records. They spoke on the phone for hours everyday. Driving to and from work, when everyone was sleeping, wherever they had time. She too is married with kids and in a bad marriage. I never saw any signs of anything. We've been married for 24 years. Best friends. Do everything together. Our relationship suffered a fracture 2 years ago while dealing with different issues with our children. Instead of working together we fell apart. I'm a doer and threw myself into supporting them and he hid. Then started to drink heavily. I came to find out he was drinking daily and this got worse when he began his affair. How could I not know? Well if your child was suffering enough, you'd understand that nothing else mattered and I had serious blinders on. Turns out he and his AP would take days off from school to be together. I had no idea. It's not like he wasn't coming home at night. Her marriage was on the rocks. Her husband was cheating on her and she would cry to my H. They bonded over this and he vented about the issues that we had. My husband is a good man and she saw how vulnerable he was on dove in. He was hurting and unclear from all the drinking and made a life altering choice. He said it wasn't real. But it made his pain go away.

About a week after D day he broke down and told me everything. That day he called her in private on speaker and recorded the conversation for me. He poured his emotions out and told her it was his biggest regret and mistake in life, that he is an alcoholic, and that he'd spend the rest of his life making it up to me. He told her that he told me everything and that they can no longer communicate. He said that I was willing to bury it and save our family and protect my children. She was speechless. It was on her birthday.

Part of me is grateful because his drinking was out of control and driving my children around. If this continued it could be catastrophic. Now I'm the one dealing with the pain and grief.,He told me every dirty detail and quit drinking completely. I mean every detail. Careful what you wish for. He's doing everything in his power to save our marriage. I just don't know if I'll ever get passed it. I have good days and really bad days. I want to confront her but know it's a bad idea. I didn't expose her and the only people that know are the 3 of us and our MC. I chose not to expose the truth to protect my 4 children. It just makes me so angry that she doesn't have to suffer the way I do. Please help me stay strong in this unbearable time. I've lost a year of my life and don't want to lose anymore.

7 comments posted: Sunday, March 9th, 2025