Anybody not really want this but feel like their hand was forced?

I know most people don’t want their marriage to end. After I caught him having an affair I stayed, we both decided to work on our marriage, but it was "too hard" for him and he felt like he was living in a prison (full transparency with me). He also told me he fell in love with his affair partner, however he still loves me and just needs space to figure out what he wants. That’s when I asked for a divorce instead. I’m nobody’s backup plan and after 13 years if he doesn’t know if he wants to be married to me or not I’m not waiting around to find out.

But it doesn’t mean I wanted this. His decisions forced mine. I miss my best friend, my companion, my confidant. I didn’t want my life to turn out this way and I never saw a future without him in it. I didn’t want to be a single mom, to start over. I think that makes this that much more difficult. I tried so many times to save "us". But he didn’t. He still comes by twice a day to see our son and dog and often he wants to chat with me, like we’re old friends. He tells me how miserable he is but still makes plans to move on with his life (new house, paying off our combined debt).

Today is extra hard, not sure why. It’s been 6 weeks since he’s moved out, 7 months since dday #1 and 6 weeks since dday #2. He made so many awful choices, said so many awful things, I had no choice but to send him on his way. But I still never wanted to.

2 comments posted: Monday, March 31st, 2025

Hard To Breathe

My brain knows divorce is the right path at this time however, my heart says different. It’s difficult when I remember all the good things about him. All the things he did for me and our family. All the ways our marriage was great up until Dday. Obviously it wasn’t perfect, but for it to have gone downhill so quickly within the past year, after 13 years.

I know there are things we both need to work on and the healing needs to be done separately. It still stings. Some days I can barely breathe. I hate him and miss him at the same time.

Does this ever get easier?

3 comments posted: Friday, March 7th, 2025

Just Told WH I Want a Divorce

A little bit of background. My husband of almost 10 years had an affair last summer for two months with his secretary who was also a friend of ours. After I found out, I decided to stay and work on our problems together along with counseling individually. We were good for about five months until I discovered he had contacted her again two weeks ago. He told me he missed her and he loved her and he couldn’t get over her so I asked him to leave the house. She is married as well, and after hearing from her wife, yep you read that right, they are apparently still together and working on their marriage. My husband left the house willingly even saying that we should do a 30 day separation so he has time to figure out what he really wants.

After two weeks of this separation, a lot of soul-searching and a ton of therapy, I made the decision to end my marriage. I told him this morning and immediately after I told him I felt regret and hurt and more pain than I have felt throughout this entire disastrous situation.

Never been here before, read a lot of posts and I’m assuming this is normal considering where I’m at and only time will heal and blah blah blah. But I can’t help but feel like I made this decision too quickly, maybe I wasn’t emotionally ready. Although husband is amicable and keeps apologizing and understands why I made my decision, he has made no suggestion otherwise that he wants to save this marriage.

I tried saving it for our six-year-old child and I think that’s the part that hurts the most. I’ve never felt so scatterbrained and lost and sad at the same time. I have a therapist, I have friends, and great family, but the one person that I have run to in the past to get through sad times is the one person who created it. I feel like I can’t breathe.

3 comments posted: Friday, February 28th, 2025