Holiday EA

We were supposed to go overseas together in Oct this year, I had some health issues and encouraged him to go for the month on his own. Think about what he wanted to do in retirement, separately and together. Big picture stuff. I even said, in a very jokey off hand way, have a one night stand! Lol
Apparently this went straight to his heart like a cannonball, he began to secretly consider it. Secretly because he knew any ‘permission’ from me was tenuous at best. He took his blue pills with him.
After less than a week he met a woman, who had a partner at home but was travelling alone, and they began to spend time together. He invited her to share his room, free of charge, with a double bed, make a barrier down the middle, nothing will happen….she ignored the text. Next day they met up, he asked if he could kiss her, she said no and changed the subject. They continued to travel together, with another woman, all sharing the same room for another 2 weeks. During this time he cut down communication with me, and did not share any info on the women apart from nationality. Normally he would tell me everything. He says nothing physical ever happened, but he hung in just in case she changed her mind. I became increasingly upset and finally insisted he leave and travel alone for the last 5 days. I never knew they were all sharing one room. I have never been jealous in all our marriage cause he’s devoted right?
On his return he has slowly dripped out information about this, many times assuring me that this is the last of it, the whole truth, swearing on our daughter’s grave (she’s not dead). Then the next day something else comes out. This has gone on for 4 weeks.
He’s living in our caravan out the front of the house and is stricken. Meets most of the criteria for remorse, except for the crucial honesty part. He says sorry often, is full of shame, has arranged IC. He has been officially diagnosed with ADHD inattention type.
We are going to an intensive one on one MC workshop this weekend.
I am unmoored, devastated, feeling guilty about the one night stand remark, we’ve had some of the best sex we’ve ever had since his return, utterly shocked. The pain is immense. I have zero belief that he has told the whole truth, but realise it’s not good for my mental health to know more. I’m like a piece of driftwood, one moment moving this way, the next moment, another.
Thanks for listening.

7 comments posted: Thursday, November 28th, 2024