Is this a sensible plan?
Hi everyone
On Friday my WS (f,44) told me (m,48) that she kissed a guy when she was on a work trip nine months ago. She said it was just a kiss. She didn't want to tell me every detail and I obviously feared Trickle truthing and the worst. I pushed quite a lot and didn't find out much more, other than her fondled her breasts.
Since then, she has shown genuine remorse. At first it's was just 'i should if never have told you' but now it's 'i love you and it was wrong and we can get through this.' I told her that the kiss isn't the problem, its the deceit. She said she understood and that she had deleted everything from her phone. I really intend to try to R completely. We've been together for 14 years and nothing like this has ever had offended before. We just got complacent. Suddenly, our relationship seems better than it has for ages. We're talking and fixing things. With time I might trust her again.
I snooped and as she told me, she has deleted all communication on what's app. Except one thing... In her face book messenger there is a single message from him saying 'i understand. Could you give me your address so I can send you two things ☺️?'
This is eating me up as I don't know what the two things are. They could be earrings that he removed to kiss her or they could be gloves she lent him, or they could be her knickers and pantyhose. If I ask my WS directly, she will probably be very upset that I snooped and that I didn't accept it her explanations. This might jeopardise our R. I believe her almost 100%. Did I just accept that I will live without knowing everything?
I am considering the following: sending him a Facebook message from my account saying 'hi, I'm contacting you because my WS wants no more contact with you. Please send us back the objects that you mentioned to this address: xxx . If we don't receive them in a week I will send everything to your wife.'
Would you say this is a good idea? I think he will probably either ignore it or send a message to WS who would get angry with me for snooping, but it seems worth it as I don't think I'll get provable facts from my WS.
My priority is to save my marriage and to also be able to sleep a bit better at night .
13 comments posted: Tuesday, November 26th, 2024
