Still feeling torn (update to previous thread)

Hi all

Firstly thank you to all of you who replied to my boundaries and respect thread previous. Hope you are all ok.

So an update

This weekend has been awful. We had a massive fall out after me bringing up things and something i saw on his phone. He was texting her seperate to the group chat again.

We are trying to work on things but in the back of my mind I just have this feeling all the time.

He's saying he's fed up of my trust issues and that I have to trust him. He thinks I see every female friend as a threat or "after him". This is BS. I'm not like that at all. I know this is a common thing that gets said. But I really am not possessive or jealous. I just have boundaries to be respected!

He thinks my insecurity has got worse during peri menopause. It has with other issues, I've been really struggling with alsorts, I'm also autistic so hormones and autism clash, but the insecurity issues stems from his behaviour, trust stuff past and recent. He knows this so how can he blame it on me. It really makes me angry when he says this. I've been going through some tough times, I shouldnt have to be telling him all about boundaries and respect!!!

He's wanting to try and move past and work through things and understand that this colleague is not a threat she is just very bubbly and outgoing and that he can't unfriend her, and I need to understand that she just is a friend.

He says the group chat can get a bit much but he's been staying out of certain stuff in there.

However he has been honest and also told me that this female colleague has been telling him and other colleagues (other married men too) about her own husband not giving her attention. This is wrong in my eyes. Apparently her husband is not giving her attention and she's not happy. This isn't my husband business nor to give an opinion on??

I told him she shouldnt be doing this with him and other married men . Am I wrong? He said she's just wanting a man's opinion on how her husband is.

I said she shouldn't be takling to other married men about her spouse issues. It's how EA start!! Not to mention that this female is very attention seeking type, very flirty and very outgoing. She's not like me at all. This is why I don't like the situation. Some women throw themselves at men. I get this vibe off her from what I've seen in that chat and the attention seeking. She clearly is overstepping in my eyes. And I've said I don't like it. What's wrong with that?? He dosent seem to get it.

He's given me his pin for his phone. Which is good but I'm not going to go looking unless I had to.

I just feel detached and emotional. We are trying to work on things but I don't think things are going to change with him. He dosent seem to understand and he also has been gaslighting me a little aswell. I told him this.

A lot of the talk seemed to be all about him "not been allowed female friends" and if there "is one I don't like it turns into a trust thing". It isn't that at all. He dosent see it.

It's boundaries again. That's all it is. Why can't he understand what I'm saying????!!

I've told him I'm considering separating and if things don't change definitely a separation. I really don't want to do this. I just wish he would get it and stop seeing me as being insecure.

I've felt like pulling my hair out.

Would appreciate some input and hugs xxxx

15 comments posted: Monday, March 17th, 2025

Boundaries and disrespect

Hi sorry if this is long.

I'd just like advice on the situation with my husband and the lack of boundaries and respect and other women.

Theres another woman who hes mentioning a lot a work colleague who is very full on and flirty. He seems to be lapping it up.

It's really beginning to get me down her attention seeking and what's been going on. There's a "work group chat" between her, my husband and other colleagues who are also married which is filled with attention seeking posts and selfies and sexual related banter referencing to her which is out of order. Am I right in thinking this is wrong? It makes me cringe. Some of it is ok but most of the time she's fuelling the chat and it turns sexual. She often posts selfies of herself with low cut tops in there. Several married men are in the chat giving her attention. This is supposed to be a work colleague chat. Now I'm not prude but I know where my boundaries are and I've told my husband I do not like it and to not get involved, but he already is. And i dont know just how much . Im worried theres more boundaries being crossed in direct messaging.odd things have been happening with him acting odd and just my feeling in general. My trust is low with him due to some similar previous behaviour. He takes his phone every where with him. Is always snappy with me, emotionally distant. There's alsorts really.

All i know is i dont like it with this. My gut is telling me. Far worse than anything . Its going to get to a point where I snap and say something again but I don't want to cause an argument. He dosent think he's doing anything wrong but gets defensive (red flag??)

She also spends a lot of time with my husband at work and I've also noticed she's messaging him directly which as you can imagine i dont like based on other behaviour ive seen. She seems the type who likes to do this kind of thing to get the wives annoyed. Has anyone been in this situation. She's actually got a partner herself, which is even worse in my opinion. Apparently they aren't getting on. Which means she's offloading about her partner to other men. Not good. I get the feeling she's not happy and loving all the attention. Wish she would back off but my husband should be cutting it off!!!! Any advice or just to confirm what I'm feeling is right would be appreciated. I'm sick of the blatant disrespect.

20 comments posted: Tuesday, March 4th, 2025