My cheating husband wants to sleep with me…

Help,

My husband is an alcoholic. He is very up and down. I’m waiting for the holidays to pass for our children’s sake to then give him an ultimatum of getting sober/getting help or I leave.
My hope is that if he gets sober we can try to face the infidelity and recover from it.
A lot of IFS.
Just bumbling through this all.

He calls me today and says "I’m so sorry, I love you. I miss you. Let’s have sex and make up."

I don’t want to drive him into a rage. I just said I’ll see you when you get home.

What can I say without causing a huge anger outburst? What can I say that what squash the good in what he said.

I don’t want him to finally have made an effort and said kind things to me and I just shoot him down.

Any advice?

10 comments posted: Monday, December 9th, 2024

Is there such a thing as love and a happy marriage?

I feel very low.
41 years old.
2 small kids 9 and 11.
An alcoholic spouse that cheated and basically ignores me all day every day.

I’m trash. Worthless. Too scared to leave. I keep thinking "I’m not the kind of person who just gives up. I’m not the kind of person who thinks the grass is greener somewhere else."
I’m loyal. I put family first. I fight for my family.

But there is no love. There is no family. Maybe I’m just the kind of person who attracts horrible monsters. Something in me is broken and I will never know love. I will never have a happy family.

I thought I had it. I was so sure.
It’s all gone now.

Is there even such a thing as a man who will love you and put you first? Is that a myth?
What am I even fighting for? Too many Disney movies?

I AM BROKEN. Will never be the same. Just filled with sorrow.

10 comments posted: Monday, November 25th, 2024

How to get through a trigger panic moment? Hacks please

These moments happen often. Looking for advice, the affair is a secret I will never tell anyone but my therapist. So I have no one else to ask. Please help.
Anyways, I just noticed that my husband not only took down our couple Halloween photo but deleted it all together. On November 8th.
I can’t see why he would do that. Except to try to show the world he is single. Or to signal to that slit that he’s available to her. Or maybe he just simply didn’t like how he looked in the picture.
He told me that he thought it was weird to still have a Halloween picture up after Halloween in costume.so then switch the photo - don’t delete it all together.

I don’t understand.
Spiraling.
Have 2 small children who can’t afford to have their mom spiral out of control.

How to get through these moments and not derail real life with your kids and responsibilities?

Please help

7 comments posted: Sunday, November 24th, 2024

My WH is demanding divorce…. devastated for my kids

My husband is a closet drinker.
No one knows.
Even I question if he really is drinking or not. I feel crazy.

I found out September 4th about the other 26 year younger woman. Absolutely devastated.

We were trying to work through it.

Now he says he drinks because he never loved me and he stayed for the kids. (9 and 11)

I feel blindsided.
I don’t do anything…. And I lose my kids. Lose my house. Lose my husband.
EVERYTHING

I can’t survive this. I didn’t do anything and I lose my whole life. Why would GOD do this to me.

Please help. I can’t lose my kids 50/50. I would rather die.

9 comments posted: Tuesday, November 19th, 2024

8 weeks in… uncontrollable rage. Please help. Please.

Hello,

Really looking for something to shift or change in my house.

I found out 8 weeks ago. Husband was remorseful for 1 week and now furious and says he wants a divorce any time I bring it up.

In my gut I want to fight for my marriage and our 2 children. But right now I want to kill him every day. My therapist says I need to shelve my anger for now and mend the marriage, and THEN we will deal with the infidelity.

Please. How to handle my anger? I want to cry and scream every day. I don’t want to scare the kids.

Help.

P. S I should add that I would call him a functioning alcoholic. He denies. I’m fairly confident he drinks 200ml vodka (chugs the little bottle) every day when he comes home from work) he hides it. I just find bottles.

Anyways. She says while he is actively drinking there is not much I can do.

24 comments posted: Tuesday, November 19th, 2024

Alcoholic and affair. Help. Please help.

Has anyone dealt with a functioning alcoholic and affair at the same time?

Was there any success in saving the marriage?
Any tips?

I don’t know what to do. Feels like no progress can be made be because every day he is either in withdrawal or drunk. Or I’m not sure.

Please help if anyone has been in my shoes. I don’t want to wreck my family and ruin my kid’s lives.

5 comments posted: Sunday, November 17th, 2024