Responding to BS

What is the best way to deal with a BS telling you that you "don't love them because you wouldn't have done what you did?" Or saying "Why do you want to be with me when you don't respect me?" What are some good phrases to use that help reassure, calm and support?

9 comments posted: Monday, October 21st, 2024

Moving Forward and Wanting to Escape

My BS and I are in the thick of recovery. We also don't agree about whether or not what has happened is in fact cheating or an affair. I have had two friendships with COW's that he believes were affairs. The first relationship was text messages (nothing sexual or romantic) and we worked together at the same location. My BS didn't know how much we were communicating through text. We had an enormous fallout when this initially happened The second discovery for my BS was text messages with another colleague that were primarily about work but also were very friendly and familiar. My BS didn't know I was communicating with him in this way. My BS is experiencing extreme betrayal trauma. I haven't been good at comforting him or showing compassion since he discovered this which has made things worse. We are trying to work through it but it is difficult because he doesn't believe anything I say, thinks I had sex with at least one of these men or more, thinks I have been leading a double life, thinks I manipulate and doesn't trust couples counselling. We have had some enormous, aggressive fights and lately I just want to walk away. I don't want to be around my BS.I fantasize about a separation. Is this normal?

20 comments posted: Saturday, October 19th, 2024