DD 8/7/22
Together since 1990
Married in 1997
2 amazing sons

Does your spouse know you are part of this forum?

I’m still fairly new here, being apart of this forum has helped me. Knowing I’m not alone with what I’m feeling has been very comforting. I’m still doubting our R, I need to have more discussions with WH on how I feel and thought about telling him I’m part of an online support group. I’m not sure that he would care, but I wonder if he’d try to find this forum.

Have you told your spouse?

15 comments posted: Thursday, December 12th, 2024

Another question about love: do you say “I love you” to your WS?

I have not been able to say it, I guess I’m just curious what other BS’s say to their WS? My WH was saying I love you, but when I told him I couldn’t do that yet, he stopped, maybe knowing it was hard for me to say so he didn’t want to add more pressure on me. You?

26 comments posted: Saturday, December 7th, 2024

Dealing with seeing A’s in movies and hearing other people talk about A’s…how do you deal with it?

We have a routine of sorts, a bit of TV in the evening before bed. Either series or movies depending on time. I noticed he kept choosing horror movies/shows. At first I thought it was because Halloween was approaching, but it has continued. My thinking now is that it is because it’s less likely to have A’s in the story line. We’ve watched stuff with affairs and it makes me so sad I sometimes cry. One movie was particularly bad because the details were so similar to what he did. At one point I told him watching A’s on TV was horrible. I guess he listened!

Not many people know about his A. So when someone starts talking about what their X did to them, or what their friend is going through, and how anyone could stay with their cheating spouse is beyond their comprehension…. It sucks. I feel like crawling into a hole.

A’s are everywhere, they cannot be avoided.

My question: how do you deal with these situations?

23 comments posted: Thursday, November 28th, 2024

Is there a difference between loving your SO and being in love with your SO

Hi all, we are 2+ years past DDay, and I just keep coming back to all the hurt which will never go away, I will never forget and will never forgive 100%. But every day gets better, mostly.

FYI, he is doing everything right, completely sorry and will do anything to keep our marriage together. I am happy 90% of the time.

But, I sometimes wonder if I am in love with him. I love him because he is my partner (together 34 years, married 27, 2 wonderful children).

Is there a difference between loving someone and being in love with someone? My MC suggested that I fell in love in the beginning of our relationship, so maybe just loving him is okay. What is love to you? I envision people coming home from work or whatever and jumping into each others arms, hugs, kisses, etc. I don’t do that, he probably would now, but not before. I question if I am in love with him or just love him because he is a generally good man, good father, and we’ve shared a lot of great memories together.

I hope this makes sense. I just wonder if I love him like a married couple should love each other. I understand to each their own, but curious of your thoughts on love.

Thank you!

36 comments posted: Tuesday, November 12th, 2024

How do you celebrate your anniversary?

Hello, this is my first post. I might not have all the acronyms down just yet. I am 2 years and 2 months from d-day. I am choosing to stay with my husband of 27 years married, 33 years together, and 2 wonderful young men, our children. I’ve aged myself now!

My question is, how do you celebrate your anniversary? We’ve had 3 since he told me about the affair. The first one happened just after he told me and he was staying with his parents at the time. Since then I have not wanted to celebrate the day yet. I have a hard time giving him a card saying how wonderful of a husband he is, when he wasn’t. Just curious what others do.

Thanks!

18 comments posted: Thursday, October 17th, 2024