Want to save family, need advice

Here is my story. I’m a H(39) have a W(35) and a son(10). We’re married for 10 years and together for 13 years total. D-Day was on April 19, 2024. My W is taking some classes in a college and this year she started taking pretty hard classes and I noticed changes in her behavior, but I always thought that was because she was stressed out in college and I was trying to be helpful and supportive.

In January 2024 we had a hard conversation about here feeling and that she’s very tired because I don’t change and that she doesn’t feel emotional connection and stuff like that and that she’s tired trying and thinking of getting divorced. I took it pretty seriously and slowly started making some changes in my lifestyle, started looking for a therapist, helping more at home, spending whole weekends with our son and giving her more time for studying. During this time I’ve noticed that she’s getting more and more distanced not just from me, but from family too. On D-Day I came home from work early and decided to look at her notebook (she’s constantly taking notes about everything) because I felt like something is really going on. I’ve never done before because all our marriage I unconditionally trusted her. From her notes I’ve learned that she felt in love with here teacher. That same day we went for a walk because she wanted to talk about something, but after 10 minutes walk she still hasn’t started the conversation about here affair and I asked her a straight question. She told me that it was EA only and in the beginning of April she stopped all contacts with him. Since then we had a lot of hard conversations and a couple of weeks ago she told me that she needs space and time. I agreed and we rented Airbnb for her for almost 3 weeks. She left a week ago. We told to our son that she is on a vacation taking a break from college. I’m generally fine, reading books, doing more sport, started eating healthier and making some other adjustments into my lifestyle. But some days are pretty bad. I’ve recently learned about 180 and I’m going to try it and I already intuitively started it after all my being best H attempts in the last month failed.

The car she’s driving has location tracking and I can see it in an app. Yesterday I decided to have a look and noticed that she’s in a campus where OP is doing tutoring, but she told me that she stopped going there. After that the car headed to the place where OP leaves and I kept an eye on the car location and the trip looked to me like she just gave him a ride, dropped him there and then headed to a grocery store. This trip looked to me like she just wanted to tell something to him or to see him and if the wanted to stay at his place there were no barriers. Day before that when she had a call with our son and she told something that made him understand that she’s still having classes in college and is not currently traveling. He dropped the call and told me that he thinks that she’s a liar and he does not understand why she’s somewhere in the area, but not at home with us. Today she recorded a voice message for him, but he denied to listed what she is saying. He’ll have a performance at school today where she planned to come, but he told me that he doesn’t want to see her if she goes to the performance and doesn’t go home after that with us. I sent here a text with his thoughts listed there and I’m not sure if she is still going to the performance. At this point I’m mostly concerned about our son and that she’s loosing her connection with him too. I still love her and want to save our marriage even though in my eyes she looks like entirely different person recently and is just a ghost of herself before.

Thanks for ready my store. Wanted to keep it short and those are just main points. I appreciate any advice on my next steps and behavior. Especially when I see her next time either today or when she's back home. I’m happy to answer any questions.

68 comments posted: Thursday, June 6th, 2024