Should I get over this?

My husband works a second part time job and has for over 2 years. Been working with this girl the entire time and never had any interest or unusual contact with her until recently. She started requesting they be partners on rounds together in January without him knowing. He only works maybe 5 days a month. They started talking more, getting to know each other, flirting a little. February he intentionally chooses some of his days based on her being there. After work on one of the days in February she text him something innocent but starting the texting on a personal level whole thing, they all have each others phone numbers for work reasons during the day to communicate. Nothing came of the first few text. By February 16 after working together a day they text frequently that night, he did tell her he enjoyed working with her and her company but he was married and had never had any feelings for anyone else like this and even though we were going through the toughest time we had in our marriage he was committed to us. They kept it platonic. They worked together again and would only talk on nights he was at his other just where he is gone overnight. On the 19th he stopped by where she was and told her that this couldn’t happen, he was married and he couldn’t do this to me and he was sorry for all of this but he was working on his marriage. Nothing physical happened there were children present the entire time. Well that didn’t last bc she kept texting him that night and it escalated over the next week. From the 19th to the 25th there were 3 different days they had long conversations and worked together once and lots of things were said. she sent him a picture, she was covered but it was meant to be sexy, he commented on liking it and that he did want to kiss her in the car that day. Just very intense flirting.

I had got suspicious bc we have never had any trust issues in our marriage and he was being weird so I checked his phone on the 27th and found all this. So the whole texting episode was around 2 weeks but flirting at work was longer. He was immediately sorry, and swore it was a mistake and stupid, he would never speak to her again. I immediately called her and verified details he was telling me and stories matched. He hadn’t realized how to permanently delete text so I had them all. Since then we have been really good. Things have changed, we talked about our disconnect that he was feeling, we have changed things to help it, she is blocked on everything, I have full access to all his stuff if I want it, he no longer works with her. She tried to call him once from a random number and he hung up on her and called me immediately and I called her and took care of that. My issue is I’m good when he is here with me but when he is gone my mind goes crazy, not thinking he is cheating just thinking about her and why he did this when I thought he never ever could. Was this an affair? Was it just intense flirting that made him feel good for a minute? Was it an emotional affair, he didn’t talk about deep things with her? I’m confused as to what it was or why it was worth risking is. Do we take it as a wake up call that our marriage had become stale and all about the kids and learn from it and move on?

Do we take it as a wake up call that our marriage had become stale and all about the kids and learn from it and move on?

14 comments posted: Tuesday, April 16th, 2024