Mid Life Crisis Meltdown of WS and support need of BS

This is my first post and I don't really know where to start. I am 11 months out from DDay but still totally in the middle of my WW's tornado of a mid life crisis meltdown. My WW has had mental health issues for years before her A, and after supporting her through many, many tough stretches and taking care of her the best way that I could (including getting her to find professional help) it was apparently a big reason that she felt like I was a parental role to her and she no longer felt "in love" with me. So she found an AP at work with mental health issues having his own mid life crisis (also married) to feel like she was in an "adult relationship"

We have 3 kids (17, 14, 11), who I have somehow managed to keep out of the heart of the tornado for the past year, but I am running out of strength to keep this up. I know that I have been unable to give my best effort as a parent while I have been trying to take care of myself and my WW has so many issues in her mid life crisis that she cycles through destructive cycles (which mostly impact me) and has made only made snail paced progress on herself even with therapy.

My heart hurts when I think of all the damage that will occur if the tornado touches down. Our kids are going to be devastated if we separate or divorce and I am terrified of how my WW will react when the kids respond to such a traumatic event. I have loved my
WS for over 26 years and it has been excruciating to watch her struggle with mental health issues for a number of years. I know that she won't be able to handle the behaviors that come with kids dealing with divorce and how it will impact all of our lives. But, she can't get over the addiction of her AP who keeps the fantasy "affair fog" active.

I am fully aware that this is a toxic situation for me and I have been actively choosing to be the lightning rod. I have absorbed about as much pain and hurt as I can stand. It also is becoming evident that I will have to be the one to take action as that has been the case from DDay. I guess I am just reaching out for support and see if anyone that has been in an "In Home Separation" without the kids knowing. Even some kind words for strength would be appreciated.

9 comments posted: Saturday, December 14th, 2024