I'm pretending to be okay, but I'm not.

My wife confessed to me that she had chemistry and was very much drawn towards the attention a new coworker was giving her. She said he had done nothing that would be considered inappropriate but that she knew he felt the same chemistry towards her. She had shared with her women's group at church and our pastor, and they all advised her to tell me so there would be no secrets, so she did. The next day her story changed, and she informed me that a month prior he made a move (her 3rd week at work), he called her into his office, when it was just the two of them in the building, where he hugged her and tried holding her hand. She said she recoiled and walked away but that she was conflicted because she liked him and that is when she went to her church friends for support.

I was upset at the lie and showed up at her office the following afternoon to tell her it was okay to resign and come home. We did not need the money and she didn’t want to work anyway but she told me to leave because she wanted to stay at the job and said she would be able to keep things professional. I was crushed as I drove away because it felt like she chose him over me, and I didn’t want to demand her to quit so I endured it the best I could.

The next day she said she had to be 100% honest with me and that after the office incident, she took a drive alone with him in his police truck into the mountains because a coworker suggested he take her up there to see the area of town that was causing issues within the town hall (where my wife worked). She offered that she only went because she didn’t want the others in the office to think anything if she refused to be alone with the chief of police, but she also shared that she didn’t want to be seen on the cameras getting into the chief of police truck so they suggested she drive down the road so she could get in his truck outside of camera shot.

Later I found she had sent him multiple text messages immediately following the truck drive up into the mountains, but she deleted them all. When I pressed her for what they were about she shared that they were just foolish texts about them opening a bar in town together. She swears up and down that nothing physical happened and I want to believe her, so I told her I did and now I’m stuck in my mind because I don’t trust her.

She did eventually quit the job (a month later), but that was only after the office workers turned on her and rumors started to float around the town hall. So here I am… wife at home again just happy as can be while I secretly struggle through each day because I’m holding in so much pain and don’t trust the situation to be as simple as she presented it.

Not even sure what I’m trying to get out of this, but I just need to purge these thoughts to a safe place. We’ve been married for 17 years and are devoted Christians and have 1 child together.

I can’t even stomach the idea of divorce, but I am struggling with the thoughts racing through my head. Some days I am okay, then BOOM, my mind starts racing and I’m not okay at all.

25 comments posted: Thursday, March 28th, 2024