Dday 10 feb 2024.
Married 6 yrs to WW
She was unfaithful for 2 months with multiple partners while on deployment. We are both military.

Anyone have insight on military deployment? Thats when my wife cheated on me

Married for almost 7 yrs. Were both military. 1 yr old at home. She deployed for 6 months, came home and I found all the messages on her phone from other guys. She was basically living single out there for the last three months. Day was first week of feb and we've been sorting of sticking it out/cohabitating since then and going to marriage counseling.

She states she has learned about emotional drift which is a phenomenon of just getting really disconnected from home. She says she found herself completely disconnected from me even though I hadn't done anything wrong but she just stopped seeing herself with me anymore. Instead of communicating that to me, started accepting advances from other guys and slept with 3.

She's been recovering from the deployment which is its own process and she says every week she feels more back to normal and out of the deployment mindset and I do sense that. Every week that passes she talks differently; more apologetic, more sentimental about what we had. It's been hard for me bc she was seemingly not super remorseful on dday but was extremely upset at the Idea of divorce.

Anyone with insight into deployment? Can I give her the grace to say that was just on deployment and try to move on? I recognize she cheated bc of an internal problem with her and she accepts that and knows she needs to go to IC to work on her. I've also expressed that I now have new boundaries like I will never trust her to deploy again, she can't confide in male friends/have male friends. I know those are things for the future but I am having a really hard time moving from the "maybe" category to the "yes let's try to make it work" category. I'm closer to no and have told her in MC recently that I'm having strong thoughts of moving out in May when our family leaves (they're in town visiting for a few weeks). She really wants to try to make it work.

9 comments posted: Tuesday, April 16th, 2024