he’s cheating and i’m devastated

I should’ve known better. I met him when I was 21 and we had an on again/off again relationship due to him not being able to cut ties with an ex and her kid. I thought he figured his shit out and we’ve been together coming up on 5 years, we have 2 kids (2m and 3months f) Things haven’t been great lately, I’ve had ppd since my son and again with my daughter. Sex has always been important to him, like 5-8 times a week. I was fine with that before we had kids but since we’ve had kids, I’ve been exhausted. He loves the kids but not very involved. I’d say maybe 4 hours a day he spends being dad even on his days off. My family takes the kids overnight at least once a month to help and his family is MIA. We fight a lot since I feel I’ve been in this by myself the past 2 years. I hate feeling like a single parent when I’m not.

Last week our son was running around with his phone, I went to grab it back and saw that the favorites ribbon for sending messages consisted 90% of women on snapchat. I confronted him about it and he denied, said he had no idea how that was there or who they were. He got really protective of his phone. I gave it a couple days, talked it out with my therapist, tried to give the benefit of the doubt. I went into his phone and he did a pretty good job of hiding stuff but this isn’t the first time I’ve been cheated on and I know the tricks.

I found emails and messages as far back to 2021 trying to solicit women for sex, as recent as his out of town trip last month. Messages on snapchat, reddit, a milf sex site, emails for happy time massages. He’s even gotten smarter and invited them to his job to do his dirty work since my car he’s driving has gps. I’m devastated. I feel so stupid. I supported him through all the hard times. Helped him find a job after years without, got him into therapy and on medication for his health, protected him when his family treated him like shit. I did and do everything for this man. I’m mourning the life I was promised. I didn’t have the greatest childhood and swore it’d be different for my kids but man, the similarities to me and my mom when her and my sperm donor split is heart wrenching. I’m literally my mom 10 years later in life.

I know I have to go but I need my ducks in a row. Anytime in the past I would bring concerns up, he’d gaslight me into believing it was all in my head. I took screenshots of everything I’ve found and emailed them to myself. He used the excuse of working late to cheat, stay away from home and not be with our family. I can’t let him have anything but supervised visitation with the kids, he’s absent even when he’s here, and his temper causes his to be very aggressive with our toddler. We’ve been in therapy so he could be a better dad and partner but the progress has been minimal and if I’m being honest the thought of leaving has been there just from how he interacts with the kids. I’m trying to meet with lawyers and see what custody would look like. My son also got kicked out of daycare this week after 2.5 days and I can’t leave without finding care for him. My family is rallying around me to help me. I feel like I’m dying inside. Just yesterday he showed me a memory montage of our family from the past year, all happy and smiles. How could he? He’s lodged a live grenade into our lives without any care. I plan on getting custody of the kids, cutting him off my insurance, having him leave our rental, cutting off the phone I pay for and revoking my car.

I feel like I’m the bad guy now. I haven’t been perfect, I’ve struggled with my emotional and mental health but I put him first. I tried to get back to having sex as much as I can. I started doing my makeup and nails to catch his eye. Now, I feel gutted. I feel so lost, lonely and broken. The opportunity to cheat has presented itself to me over the years and I never acted on it. I wanted our family, I wanted everything we planned for. Now I’m left with my shattered hopes, dreams and no family for my babies. I failed them 💔

4 comments posted: Sunday, December 3rd, 2023